Over-complicating

I think I've mentioned before how much I want a dog. I just really love dogs. The last couple of days, I've really wanted to go walking, but I've always disliked walking alone. It makes me feel ridiculous. I don't really like walking with other people, either. I like walking with a dog.

In answer to this conundrum (word courtesy of Melissa), it occurred to me: Maybe I could go down to the Humane Society and see if they'd let me walk a dog! Or maybe three! (not all at once, mind you, that would be a little much.) At any rate, I hopped on their website to get their address and ended up poking around. Would you believe that you have to be a registered volunteer to walk the dogs? And in order to become one, you have to go through an orientation process--the next one being at the end of April!! I would have to wait a whole month to walk a dog!

I'm not a crazy person. I'm not going to steal the dogs. If I could adopt a dog, I would. I would make the investment and take one home. But my landlord doesn't allow pets, and besides, my roommate is afraid of dogs of all sizes. I just want to walk a dog. But I'm not allowed, because I haven't sat through a three-hour session on how to walk dogs. This is far too complicated!

Surrogate mother

This week, I've been staying at my parents' house in Orem, taking care of my 'niece' Elaina. This little one has been through the mill. She was born a month early, with DiGeorge's Syndrome. She had heart surgery when she was about a week old, which meant she was at Primary's for nearly the first month of her life. She came home for a couple of days, caught RSV and went straight back. She spent three more weeks at the hospital, then finally was able to come home. Two days later, her mom was diagnosed with Influenza A. The doctor told Hollie not even to be in the same house as her kids, so she called my parents and asked if they could take the kids, which they did. Elaina is still on oxygen, as you can see, as well as an oxygen/heart monitor, so her movement is pretty limited. Hollie's parents came to stay with my parents for a week to help take care of the baby, and when they had to return to Nebraska, I came down from Salt Lake to stay through the remainder of Hollie's illness to take care of Elaina and Ben.
Elaina is the most darling baby in the world, and so sweet-tempered. She's been giving us some scares--some of her medicine upsets her stomach, so she's been throwing up. The first time it happened, they had to call the paramedics because she stopped breathing and turned blue--but they got everything sorted out and she was okay. Yesterday, she spit up three times in the space of 24 hours, so we took her to the doctor. He gave us some pointers to keep her from doing it, but really praised us on her care, said she was doing great. The really scary thing is that it comes up through her nose as well as her mouth. It just looks more terrible than it actually is, and it's no fun for anybody. We have to suction out her airways, replace her airtubes because they get spitup in them, we usually have to change and bathe her because she gets it all over herself--its just a lot of fuss that nobody really enjoys. Hopefully she won't do it anymore!

The really funny part is our dog, Suzy Q. Now, this dog has always been pretty protective of Ben, Elaina's five-year-old elder brother. Whenever Ben goes out to ride his bike, Suzy runs right along with him. She loves playing with him. She's only about two years old, and having Elaina in the house has really mellowed this dog. As you can see, she's become Elaina's Nanna--she is SO protective. She'll just sit there next to the baby's bouncer for hours, and she's always sniffing and watching Elaina. It's so cute.
Caring for Elaina has been a real joy. She's such a pleasant baby--even when she fusses she's just so cute, you just want to make her happy. She's at the stage where she's starting to focus on things with her eyes, and she's really getting expressive with her eyes and face. She's gaining more control of her hands, enough to push me away when she doesn't want to burp! Soon she'll be able to push her binky back in her mouth when she drops it--which is all the time. Caring for Elaina just makes me want my own babies, and right now!

Chris suggested that maybe I go to a treatment center

I killed Bertie. One week, that's all he lasted before he died.

What kind of monster can't even keep a goldfish alive for more than a week? Me, that's what kind.

I have this abnormally strong reaction to pets dying. Like, I can handle people dying, even people I know well and love. I was in the house when my grandma died, I went to my grandfather's funeral. These bother me on an emotional level, but I can handle it like a normal person.

Pets dying, though, is another matter entirely. I just freak out. Can't handle it. The cold little bodies... It just gets to me.

Bertie's bowl was in the living room. After visiting him this morning and realizing he was dead (which actually took me about twenty minutes to finally conclude [I thought he was sleeping]) I couldn't bring myself to go in the living room for about two hours. I just stayed in my bedroom, or skipped over to the kitchen, averting my eyes from where he rested. I couldn't even be in the room.

After a while I realized how ridiculous this was. For a time I held the hope that one of my roommates would come home and take care of Bertie so I wouldn't have to. However, it was about 10 o'clock in the morning, and my roommates are hardly ever home, let alone in the middle of the day. So I worked myself up to do it.

First I went and got the little fish-net, and put it in the bathroom. Then I went and did something else for awhile.

Then I went and got the bowl. I tell you, I was shuddering and shivering the whole time, totally freaking out. I didn't even look, I just locked my eyes right out in front of me as I walked to the bathroom. I didn't turn the lights on. I set the bowl on the counter. Then I took the net, fished Bertie out, flung him into the toilet, flushed, and ran. I washed my hands in the other bathroom for about five solid minutes before I calmed down.

I haven't been back in the bathroom yet. Bertie's bowl is still in there. It gives me the heebie-geebies just to walk by.

I know this is not normal. Normal people do not have this kind of freak-out over a dead goldfish they've only had for a week. I just can't handle it, I don't know why.

I need a shrink.

Inspired by Gregory

My friend Gregory recently posted a blog on his MySpace concerning a Life List. He described starting a list in high school, a list of things he wanted to accomplish during his lifetime. It echoed with me, because I happen to keep a similar list. As Gregory himself said: "... partly because I love lists and partly just for fun, I have decided to post my working life list. And I encourage you to create your own list—what do you want to do with your life?

So here are some of the things I want to do with my life: (in no particular order)

--Serve a mission.

--Publish a book (at least one).

--Learn to play the saxophone.

--Learn how to cook well.

--Go to grad school (I find out in March!!)

--Get married in the temple. (Really, what kind of good LDS girl would I be without this one?)

--Raise at least three children.

--Work on a Broadway tour.

--Stage manage all of Shakespeare’s plays.

--Work in politics. (Preferably in DC, because its a great place.)

--Learn to tap dance.

--Travel the world. (Vague, but really I just want to see everything.)

--Live in a big city—NYC, D.C., Chicago, Philly, London, or the like. At least for awhile.

--Live in a small town, at least for awhile.

--Live in another country, for awhile.

--Write a book with Sam. And actually finish it. Maybe it can be the one that gets published!

--Raise pets. Dogs, especially. Beagles.

--Work in publishing.

--Become bilingual, at least. The languages I would most like to speak are: German, Spanish, Russian, Italian, and Mandarin. Following those are the rest of the world's languages.

A new member of the family

His name is Bertie. He's a goldfish.

I went to DI on Saturday and bought a fishbowl for a dollar. What a steal. But when I went to Wal-Mart and talked to the fish guy, he told me that I had to have non-chlorinated water (aka not tap water) for my fish, and that it had to sit at room temperature for 24 hours before I put a fish in it. And, he told me in an aside, they get new batches of fish on Mondays. Wink wink.

So I bought rocks and some little plants and put them in my fishbowl. On Sunday I got purified water at my moms house and poured it in Sunday night. Then, this afternoon, it was back to Wally World to find Bertie.

A Strange New Desire

I want a dog.

I've always liked dogs; my family has had a dog since I was 6 or 7, and I think a dog is the most wonderful companion in the world. Go dogs.

For the next month or so I'm working from home; possibly longer. Even if I pick up a second job, I'll only be out of the house a couple hours a day. And I'll tell you what--this big house gets mighty lonesome when all the roomies are at work and school all day and I'm here, with nothing really to do and nobody to talk to.

I found a beagle for free on ksl.com and this strange new desire sprung forth within me, within about three seconds of looking. She's spayed, she's four years old and already house broken, and she just needs a good home. I would definitely be here to take care of her!

I thought to myself "The roommates will never go for it." But when I hesitantly brought up the subject with Nat, she was all for it. I haven't talked to anybody else, but I took it as a good omen. My next thought, however, was "The Landlords will never go for it." But Nat encouraged me to call just to see. So I called Emily. She said no, but as we continued talking, she agreed to address the subject with her husband, warning me that the answer would probably be no. But her agreeing to ask was something, at least.

I know its ridiculous, that a dog is a huge investment, especially when I don't know where I'll be in six months. But a dog would definitely help those long lonely hours working from home. Who knows? However, if I'm not allowed to get a dog, I'm definitely getting a fish. I may get a fish anyway. Fish are cool.