The Meaning of "Family"

As you may or may not know, I'm adopted. I was placed with my parents at the tender age of four days old, and I went nineteen years having no more information about my birthparents than a medical history card. The summer right before I turned nineteen, I decided to look for them. Legally I wasn't allowed to confirm their identity until I was 21, but there were plenty of adoption-reunion websites to circumvent that restriction. So, I found an entry that matched mine, and a few emails later we had confirmed our relationship--my birthfather had been searching for me. He introduced me (via email) to my birthmother. We spent the summer emailing, then in August, my (adoptive) parents held a barbeque, and I met my birthparents, and my birthfather's three daughters and his wife.

To make a long story short, I have continued to develop a relationship with my birthfather's family since that time. I've had about three emails from my birthmother.

I got thinking last night after I left my birthfather's house. I have a relationship with him and his girls that I wouldn't give up for the world. They are my family. I may not have grown up with his girls, but I can now tease them and talk to them--if not like a sister, then at least a good friend. I love talking to Jason and his wife Jenny. And they love spoiling me, giving me things. I never leave their house without SOMEthing in hand.

It was my birthmother's birthday last week. He alerted me, and we both emailed--mine was more in the line of birthday wishes, but last night he told me he wrote and chewed her out. He's mad that she's missing a relationship with me--he thinks she's on a high horse. Long story. In the end, I just told him that I don't feel like I'm missing anything, because I have him.

I don't really know what most people think about adoption. I've always been too close to understand the general opinion. I see reunion shows on the daytime talk shows, and I just laugh--I can't imagine going through that in front of a television audience. Now it's even more complicated because I placed my own son for adoption two years ago. But I'll tell you this much--for me, adoption has just turned into a bigger family. Sometimes I even feel sorry for people who only have a normal family! I've got multiple parents, extra sets of grandparents, and more aunts and uncles and cousins than I care to think about, and I can say the same thing for my son--people he's never, and probably will never meet, love and care about him. That's the meaning of family--people who love and care without ever needing a reason to do so.