Something of being an adult

Adult relationships. I'm not talking romance, I'm talking friendship, between adults. It's a lot different than childhood friendships, or even college-buddy friendships. But, as I am finding, they are still extremely satisfying.

Are you still friends with any of your high school buddies? (I am speaking to you, my compadres who are in or have graduated from college.) I mean really friends, you go to their house, spend hours in their company on a regular basis. If you are, I congratulate you. You are one of the lucky few. (Or is it unlucky, in your case? j/k)

Friendships, I have found, are such a tentative thing. They are beautiful, don't get me wrong. My friends are a crucial part of my life. But so often they are dependent on mutual circumstances and a frequent almost-necessity of shared company. Take high school--you probably have some classes together, you most likely eat lunch together every day, and sometimes you hang out for a couple hours after school. These are mutual circumstances--the rigors of high school--and frequent almost-necessity of shared company--simply being in the same place every day.

College is a little different, because the scheduling is a little more scattered. In this case, your friends are most likely your roommates, or people you spend a lot of class/club time with, like a shared major. Sometimes these friendships linger after the circumstances change (ie old roommates). Sometimes they don't.

But what about afterward? And particularly following a marriage, which usually changes circumstances and shared experiences drastically. What happens after you move in different directions, or when you no longer share an apartment, or when you no longer see each other every day, or...ever?

A lot of the time, friendships fail. They just diminish, and there's very little we can do about it. We still call, every now and then, we email and say hi on Facebook and Myspace. Eventually those drop off in frequency too. It's human nature. We'll still think fondly of each other, still remember the good times with a laugh. It just will be a thing of the past.

On very rare occasions, we are able to maintain friendships simply by virtue of the depth of the initial relationship, or by changing the boundaries of the relationship to include the new circumstances. A best friend that you call often to talk, even though you can't be together. A married friend whose spouse you also befriend to stay close, taking part now in their shared existence. These friendships are the ones who have hope of continuing, the ones that both parties are dedicating to continuing. These are the adult relationships. They may or may not have the fervor of the previous friendships enjoyed, but they will have a maturity and depth that will surpass them. These friendships will have a beauty and a value to cherish in the years to come.