Weird thoughts

I don't think guys realize how much girls think about their weddings. I mean, even without a male prospect in mind, girls think about their weddings all the time, out of context. There are a lot of things like that, but I find weddings to be fairly universal for females of my age and relative social stratum.

Anyway.

I was thinking about bridesmaids this evening. My younger sister (the oldest daughter of my birthdad and other-mom) is engaged, and I have been appointed her maid of honor. Also, one of my good friends is almost-engaged (they have an appointment at the temple, but still no ring--it seems backwards to me), and it occurred to me this evening that I probably won't be asked to be a bridesmaid for that one. So that got me started thinking about who I would ask to be my bridesmaids--pending the unknown future spouse's close female relatives, of course. But then THAT led me to another strange thought.

Did you know that I have four siblings that I have never met? Half-siblings, actually. I don't even know their names. I'm pretty sure that my birthmother told me at one time, but somehow I let that information slip my mind. I have three brothers and a sister that do not know that I exist (as far as I know). This is a fact of my life that has perturbed me for some time now, and though I go long periods without dwelling on it, it always strikes me strangely when it reoccurs.

So as I was thinking about my bridesmaids, I was thinking about my best friend and my three sisters, when it suddenly occurred to me that somewhere in the world I have another sister who doesn't know I exist. And I'll admit that it made me more than a little sad to think that she couldn't come to my wedding because she wouldn't know it's happening because she doesn't know who I am or anything about me, and that it's likewise for me. And it just struck me as incredibly, impossibly strange that I could share blood--close, real blood--with someone and yet be so impossibly separated. Tonight, it makes me sad. That's all.