Staring real life in the face...yet again

I promise that the Arches blog IS coming, there is much to write about, many fun stories to pass on to posterity. I just haven't had it in me the last few days, but believe me, it will come.

Tonight I finished a really good book. Mistborn: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson, a professor at BYU, actually. It's the first really good new fantasy book I've read in awhile--I've continually turned back to my old favorites, disappointed or bored by newer stuff. But this one was a pleasant surprise, a recommendation from my Sam. Interestingly, Sanderson is the one asked by Robert Jordan's widow to finish The Wheel of Time series--ergo, I had heard his name before reading his book, but only made the connection afterward. After reading Mistborn, I have some hope for the conclusion of Jordan's epic--don't get me wrong, I fanatically read Wheel of Time at one point in my life, but as it got stringed out and the books got more and more involved and covered less and less time, I lost some of my fervor for the books. But hopefully we will see a good--and conclusive--end to it. At any rate and either way, I really enjoyed Mistborn, can't wait to get my hands on the second book.

Getting onto Sanderson's website somehow led me to BYU's--I'm not sure what the connection is there, except that I've been meaning to check out BYU's undergraduate catalog for awhile. Do not mistake me--I have very little intention of ever attending BYU. However, I did hope to find some inspiration there, as far as my future goes.

I'm very seriously--almost certainly--considering going back to school for a second undergraduate degree. Hear me out.

I went to college the first time, absolutely certain of what I wanted to study. Theatre and English sometimes struggled for control over my soul--theatre eventually winning out--but it was always those two things. Sometimes I was one major, sometimes the other, for a long time both, but it was always those two. I never strayed, I never considered other options. I knew what I wanted to do, and I did it.

I've come--long before I graduated--to regret that singlemindedness. I certainly regret my decision to graduate early, missing the chance to take a few extra classes, to spend a little more time preparing for real life. But that is neither here nor there.

I want to take more classes. I hope always to be furthering my education, if not formally, but while I have the opportunities to do so, I would like to stay in school. I want to study things I have never studied before. I want to find and develop new passions--maybe even ones I would never find otherwise.

Thus, my search of the BYU (and UVU) catalog, hunting for ideas. Classes I could take. It appeals to me greatly to simply enroll--without declaring a major, with no set plans, just to explore, to learn. I want to take classes for the sake of increasing my knowledge, without worrying about graduation, without worrying about GPA, without any other pressures. I've come to learn how little those things actually matter, and I want the chance to do it over again.

I want the chance to be involved in things. I loved being a theatre major, I loved doing the shows--but that's all I did. I was involved in Honors, but I could only participate up to a point, because the theatre always came first. I didn't join other clubs, I forfeited my involvement in those I did join, because the shows consumed so much of my time and energy. Without the shows, I can only imagine the possibilities.

Melissa and I had a long discussion in the car on the way to Moab, about the current generation, and about why people in this day and age jump from job to job, from career to passion to addiction, without truly dedicating their lives to anything. I don't really want to become that, I don't want to be dissatisfied with my life. I have experienced passion, I know the hold it can have. I wouldn't say that I have lost my passion, it's still there, but I believe--I must believe--that I have a capacity for other passions. I want to find those. They may not be as glorious or as invigorating as the theatre, but I hope to find new passions that are a little more stable, in more ways than one.