Welcome Spring!

I do love spring. Sometimes I give spring a hard time, and sometimes I don't appreciate spring nearly enough. I have such a deep affection for autumn and winter that sometimes spring just gets a hard break in my book. But I really do love spring.

This year, I am planting flowers (which I received here). I planted several last weekend, but the rest have to wait another 6 weeks or so. I had a blast raking up the leaves and gunk from our planter boxes in the front of my apartment. There is something about gardening that has always been somewhat mysterious to me. I've never really serious gardened before--not that I expect to this year. I'll be lucky if ANY of my flowers grow...I can't even keep potted plants alive! But I found the fresh air and the dirt and the leaves immensely satisfying.

I have an annual tradition which dates four years ago now. In the spring of 2006 I was living in the Bell Apartments down in Cedar City. I lived on the second floor, I had a big window in my bedroom that looked out over Cedar. Every night for almost a month, I threw open that window and listened to the soundtrack of Rent. Something about that music...it has incredible nostalgic powers. It gives me a feeling of freedom (end-of-semester, perhaps?) and of endless possibilities.

I think that's really what spring comes down to for me. It's a restart, a refresh. Everything is coming to a close, and to a beginning. There is limitless potential, for the world and for my own life. Spring is when I take a step back, re-evaluate where I'm at and where I'm going. I make exciting plans for the future. I relax and unwind from the stress of winter. I am free.

I really do love spring. I hope to make the most of it this year!

9/11

When I got to school that morning, the first tower had already been struck.

I didn't know what the World Trade Center was. I wasn't familiar with that silhouette against the Manhattan skyline. When I first saw the smoking building, I did not understand what had happened, or why it was important.

I was in my 10th grade US History class, and I watched live as the second plan flew out of nowhere to hit the second tower. I watched live as the towers fell.

The TV stayed on all day long. No one could think, could function. Some teachers tried to press on with classes. Some just watched the TV right along with us.

We were all messed up that day. Some were in tears. Some just watched with blank stares, uncomprehending. The day seemed unending. The twin towers. The Pentagon. Flight 93. The conspiracy theories, the cries of anger and devasation mingled together with such a grave sense of loss that none of us could fully encompass. We were all together that day, all of us, all Americans and so many others across the globe. There hasn't been anything else like it in our lifetime.

Some call it our Pearl Harbor. Except, our nation didn't watch the Pearl Harbor bombings live in color. I wasn't in NYC that day, but I still lived through it. We all lived through it together.

I hope it doesn't take this kind of disaster for us to unite like we did that day, that year. We still need that togetherness, but in the intervening years it has faded. Hopefully today, on this memorial, we'll be able to recapture the unity we once shared in the face of devastation.

When God keeps poking you, you'd better start listening!

I don't mean that statement to be sacreligious or in any way disrespectful. But I honestly believe that God uses other people to 'poke' you, to give you hints and nudges and a bit of a wake up call. Welcome to my life.

In the space of 12 hours, four people asked me when/if I was going back to school. It had been on my mind anyway, with school starting and a bunch of my friends starting classes. But then in less than a day, I got asked again and again about me going back.

Little pokes. Little nudges.

If you know me at all, you know about my impulsiveness. This is how it works--I start thinking about doing something. I stew about it for a looooooooong time. I might bounce the idea off a few select people, or I might keep it to myself. But when I finally make the decision, I take action immediately. I make it happen. Right. Now.

I started thinking about going to grad school last year. Do any of you remember that? I decided that I wanted to study social work. But as I was looking at the application for the program I was interested in, A) I was too late for this year's deadline, and B) of equal importance to education on the application was volunteer work in the field. At the time, I had none. So though school wasn't an option at the time, I still got interested in volunteer work. I contacted my caseworker down in Cedar City, who recommended me up north, I pursued it, got in touch with some key people at family services...and now I have nine solid months of volunteer work behind me, and my passion for the field has multiplied far beyond what my original interest led me to believe.

At this point, I'm just going to apply. Applying hurts me nothing, and could gain me a great deal. I have found something that I love to do, something worthwhile, and something I can make a career of. The chances of getting the kind of position that I want increase significantly with a degree--particularly a master's degree--in the field. And what is there to hold me back?

Seriously, folks

I expect more of you! As a reader of this blog, I have my hopes and faith in you, that the readership (however small) will follow through. C'mon folks!

Thus, in light of the minimal reaction to my former efforts, I have included this brief and concise list of directions concerning the action I wish you to take. ;)

Please visit the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award webpage.

Click on "Science Fiction".

Scroll through the ranks of novels that are actually getting reviews until you find my poor, lonely entry. (Title: Traitor Defiant)

Download the excerpt.

Read the excerpt.

Then, scroll down to the Customer Reviews section, and write a review. This is not intense, people. A paragraph or two is all that is required here. You don't even have to be nice if you are not so inclined! If you don't like it, you don't like it. I will still appreciate your review.

Thanks again! Much love to you all.

Quarterfinals!

Remember the Amazon Breakthrough Novel contest?

I made the Quarterfinals! Since the entry date back at the beginning of February, the entrants were narrowed down from 10,000 to 2,000. Then, they were narrowed down from 2,000 to 500. These 500 were announced yesterday night, and will now progress through the quarterfinal period, in which each excerpt will be reviewed by Publisher's Weekly, as well as customer reviews on Amazon.com. In April, ABNA will announce the 100 Semifinalists, and I've got my fingers crossed!

Dear reader, this is where you come in. Please, take a few minutes to read my excerpt, found here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B001UG3CGW. You'll need to download it, but it doesn't cost anything. And then, if you would be so kind to write a customer review! It's anonymous (I believe) so you can say whatever you want and I won't know it's you! ;) But really, it would be great if you would help generate interest for my entry. I'm starting to get pretty excited about this contest. And of course, I want you to read my writing! Even if science fiction isn't your usual cup of tea, please humor me, and take a peek at my excerpt. If you have any questions, let me know!

Oh, and if you're interested in looking at the other entries, look here: www.amazon.com/abna

I hope you have a great day!

I read a lot of blogs. Most of them belong to friends and family, but sometimes I go exploring. I also have received recommendations from friends of blogs THEY read that I may enjoy (hint hint, nudge nudge). There is something about this format that fascinates me. Perhaps it is the very personal nature of it. I mean, a blog is almost like a journal for some people, where its a soap box for others, and anything inbetween. I enjoy discovering more about people, and more about how other people see and experience the world. Besides, I simply enjoy to read.

Today I was deeply affected by something I read. I don't know the blogger personally, its a friend of a friend. And I don't want to get into too much detail. But what I read made me step back and really examine something that I believed. I questioned, I probed, I pondered. For a solid hour this morning, I was profoundly disturbed by this thing that I read written by someone I don't even know.

I got over it. I read something else that made me feel better. I realized that I did in fact believe what I thought I believed. My belief was not shaken, but I could not believe in that moment how profoundly affected I was by this stranger's blog.

I guess my thought is that we never know how we're going to affect other people by our daily actions. This is what the R.S. teaches all the time with visiting teaching. It is our belief that God puts people in our path to better our lives--and that he uses US in that way to benefit others. And I sometimes worry that I am letting those opportunities pass by.

Today I read a talk by President Monson . I have this one last thought to share. I apologize for the overt religiousness, please bear with me. But this statement struck me particularly today:

"Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existant future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey--now. We will never regret the kind words spoke or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."

Dear reader, I hope that you have a wonderful day. Let it be a good one. It IS Friday, after all. :)

The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

For details, see www.amazon.com/abna or www.createspace.com/abna

Basically, it's a contest for unpublished novels. I decided as of this morning that I am going to enter. The entrance period starts Monday at 12:00am, and goes for a week or until they get 10,000 entries, whichever comes first.

I will be honest when I say that I have always been terrified of submitting my work. Part of the purpose of this blog has actually been to encourage myself to talk about my writing. You see, there are literally thousands--perhaps millions--of people who consider themselves to be "writers". And many if not most of them are absolutely terrible. A lot of time its a maturity thing: they just don't have a maturity of themselves or of their writing style. I've been there. And I have always feared being considered part of that group--the nerds, the socially awkwards, the people you look away from and roll your eyes behind their back.

So talking about my work to other people has always been a challenge for me, entirely besides the fact that I--like anyone else--fear rejection, particularly over something I invest myself so fully in. A novel is like a baby, flesh and blood and soul.

To submit writing is equally challenging. I never feel like its ready, like its good enough. There is always more polishing to be done, always more revisions that could make it better.

When I heard about this contest, though, it struck a note with me. It's nervewracking--I mean, how do you make your novel stand out against 10,000 others?! There are so many factors working against me and my work, so many things that are not in my favor, so many things left unfinished, unpolished.

But finally, I took a step back and said, What the heck?

Today I have been stressing over a cover letter/pitch. Basically, I have to sell my book and myself in 300 words or less. I would like to thank the dozen or more people who read said pitch over the course of the afternoon, as well as the handful that took a gander at my Author Bio. Let me tell you--there is nothing more challenging than talking about yourself in the third person without sounding like an absolute prig. Guh!

Over the course of the weekend I shall be making some last minute revisions as well as solidifying my submission package. It's a challenge, but I'm just going to give it a go and see what happens. Wish me luck!

The Value of Hard Work

Today is Friday. Normally I am a great lover of Fridays. There's just something about them that makes them seem infinitely brighter than the rest of the week. Maybe it's the imminent freedom of the approaching weekend. Or maybe the sun just shines more on Fridays (not that it seems that way on this rainy day!!) Today's Friday seems particularly bright, however, because I am pretending the roadshow does not exist. That's right. Today there is no roadshow. It will come back tomorrow in full force, but for today I am blissfully ignoring its existence.

What I really wanted to write about today is the somewhat abstract concept of hard work. It's been on my mind as I watch people and society around me. Our society has grown remarkably lazy, as no one will hesitate to point out. People (I use the term in its most vague and general terms) seem to expect rewards to simply be handed to them. Jobs. Diplomas. Money. I see this at work a lot--people who call in wanting refunds, because times are hard, and expecting to get money just for the asking. Well, friends--times are hard for us, too.

Hard work is not a concept I have appreciated in every part of my life. I have had my lazier periods--still do, in fact. There are a lot of nasty or difficult tasks that come through a persons' life.

However, I am coming to appreciate just how beautiful and important hard work really is.

There are plenty of platitudes out there about hard work; I will try to spare you. But with utmost sincerity I can tell you that when you really work for something, when you work so hard you think you'll explode with the stress of it, when you've given everything you have and still you are asked to give more...well, I believe that's when you really find the value in it, whether it's a job, education or church, a relationship or a friendship. Putting in the effort gives these things value.

I look at my college experience, particularly in the theatre. My last show there, Henry V, was immensely challenging. It required hours upon hours of effort, and every last drop of ingenuity I had. I gave it my all, everything and more that I had to give. There were other shows like that too, but Henry V truly stands out as the crowning jewel of my experience there. I loved that show. And it's because I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to be happy, working as hard as I was. And amazingly enough, it worked.

I look now at my singles' ward experience. Through college, I never had a ward that I really cared about. I always wanted cool callings, and was regularly disappointed by the things I was asked to do. My efforts therefore were lackluster--I went to church, I played the piano in Sacrament meeting or whatever my calling was, but that was the extent of my efforts. But my current ward...I went in with the desire and intention to challenge myself. I asked for a challenging calling--not a glory-filled one like I had always imagined that I 'deserved', but something that would stretch me and my skills, something that would take effort and preparation. I was called as a gospel doctrine teacher. Since that calling, nearly everyone I have told of it has sympathized, bemoaned my fate. And yet...I don't find myself complaining. It's difficult. It's a lot of work. It scares the crap out of me every single time. But...I wouldn't give it up for the world.

I look at this roadshow. I have been commended for taking it on, but honestly, I didn't think about it twice when I was asked. And it has been so rewarding--challenging, certainly. Frustrating at times. Chaotic and maddening. But I've gotten to know more people, I've gotten to write and direct, to teach a little and to enjoy these wonderful people who have sacrificed of their time to participate. Throughout the entire experience, I have not begrudged the work and the time and the effort, because it is so worth it!

I don't mean to be self-righteous, and I don't mean to preach. This is more a self-exploration of these things anyhow--realizing that when I have given of my efforts as selflessly as possible, I have enjoyed the experience more. I want to explore the things that I have realized are important.

My point here is that the joys of hard work apply everywhere, to everything. Nothing in this life is going to be easy, and if it is you're probably doing it wrong. The Gospel of Jesus Christ was not meant to be easy--we have to work for it, every moment of every day we have to restore our faith and our desire to follow the direction we have been given. Our daily life was not meant to be easy--we should find ways to challenge ourselves, to force ourselves to grow and improve. Whether its through work or hobbies or friendships, we will be happier if we are active and involved and seeking to challenge ourselves. And when the trials come--hardships through family or finances, through personal challenges or deep questions, my response to you is the same: just keep trying, and have faith. The same goes for relationships, whether with spouses or siblings or children or aunts or cousins or friends, close or the barest acquaintence. Relationships are not easy. They take work, hard and something grueling effort, whether to overcome anger or to overcome apathy, to fight the little annoyances, or to win their heart each and every day. Nothing worthwhile is easy, and if you stop working to keep the things that are important to you, you will lose them, more often than not simply through your own indifference.

The Roadshow: Part Y

I'm really mad at myself, because I meant to take pictures at rehearsal tonight and I totally spaced it. There was even a great moment where, exhausted, J.T. and I were still up writing song lyrics and arranging a reprise. Oh yes, dear reader, we are ADDING a musical number--ANOTHER musical number--with the performance less than three days away. Oh yes we can! And I totally should have gotten a picture, at least of the musical rehearsals this evening. I am an utter failure as a historian.

Other than that, rehearsals are going fairly well. Tonight was hard, people were tired--I certainly was--and the energy wasn't quite where we wanted it to be. Hopefully tomorrow is better--it had better be, or I'm going to kick some booty, I'll just say that here and now! Then we have Friday night off (Hallelujah!) and then Saturday is the big day. So keep your fingers crossed folks we are counting down the days!

The Inauguration of Hope

I have to agree with Jen to say that I'm looking forward to four (and hopefully more) fabulous years of fine First Lady fashion. {Photos courtesy of MrsO.org] Michelle Obama is already becoming well-known for her taste (and frugality) in fashion, for her and for her two girls. I watched the Inauguration today while at work--amidst the complaints and speculations of my Republican coworkers. Actually, I sat down for a meeting with the CEO, which became a half-hour discussion of politics that I was not expecting, but which I nevertheless enjoyed. We agreed that we--like much of the country--are falling less toward left and right, and more toward centrist politics, and that President Obama will most likely find his policies more centrally-located in order to please and accomplish anything among the American people over the next four years. The Inauguration today was fascinating to me--I kept CNN.com Live on for nearly four hours, watching the dignitaries and the events. I particularly enjoyed the performance of John Williams' piece. I have a special place in my heart for Yo Yo Ma, which we can blame entirely (like so many other random things) on The West Wing. I did enjoy President Obama's speech, though it wasn't quite what I was expecting. Don't ask me what I was expecting though, because I can't really say. I particularly enjoy the concept of the Age of Responsibility. President Obama spoke truly when he said that we as Americans are going to have to pick ourselves up out of this low spot we've gotten ourselves into. I guess today I'm just grateful, like so many others, for hope and the possibility of change. My Republican friends would say I'm blindly following. Whatever. At least there is potential here. We have an engaging new President, who has a wonderful and supportive family who are equally engaging for varying reasons. I am looking forward to what the future is going to bring.

Bouncing

I absolutely LOVE writing at home.

These days, I do most of my writing at work. Because, gifted human being that I am, I can accomplish most of the tasks set to me in a day within the first two hours of the morning, on most days, I then spend the afternoons just waiting for emails to come in and the phone to ring. This leaves me free to occupy myself--which, when I can make myself focus, leads to literary production.

Because I'm on a PC at work, I use Microsoft Word. I will state here and now that for the purpose of novel-length writing, Word is terrible. And in general, I still despise Word 07, it's so hard to find anything. ANYHOW, when I'm at home, I get to use the wonderful, amazing Scrivener, which is the absolute perfect software for my creative flow.

An added albeit misleading benefit is that Scrivener counts words different, so I get a significantly longer wordcount at home than at work.

So this evening I came home, and uploaded the text I wrote at work today, inputting it in Scrivener. And lo and behold, my word length at home has passed 160,000 words.

I also just have to tell you that I am utterly overwhelmed by how entirely massive that is.

At any rate, this evening I embark upon a journey, which I hope is successful. My five-day challenge ends tomorrow, and I am so close I can smell it. So, dear friends, wish me luck. Me and Scrivener have a date tonight, and it looks to be rocking!

Life could be a lot worse

I get asked a lot, as I'm sure most people do, how I'm doing, how's my job, what I'm planning to do next. Not so very long ago, I got pretty uncomfortable whenever these questions arose (and this was magnified by the fact that, like most people, I get asked those questions on a fairly frequent basis).

I have come to the conclusion that life could be a lot worse. I look at my life now, and it's certainly not everything I want it to be. But I have a lot going for me, and I find that I can't really complain too much.

My job may not be the thrilling career that I hope to one day have, but on the other hand, I really enjoy the people I work with, AND it gives me plenty of time to write (when I can focus...ever the problem, I'm afraid). It gave me the freedom to buy a car that makes me immensely happy every time I think about it. And hopefully I can save up some money so that I can go BACK to school and pursue that thrilling career I'm hoping for.

I absolutely adore my singles' ward. It's by far the best ward I've ever been in, helped by the fact that for the first time in my life I was really ready to dedicate the time and energy to it that allowed me to reap the benefits I'd always wanted. My calling is challenging, but I'll tell you what, teaching Gospel Doctrine has already improved my life, and I look forward to it every time. Scares the crap out of me every time too, but I don't think that can be helped. :) OH! And the silly roadshow has been an immense challenge, but I'm getting to know people whom I wouldn't otherwise had the opportunity to work with. It's still going to be nightmarish to put all together in the next week and a half, but I look forward to the adventure.

So, I guess today I'm just grateful for all my blessings. I can work a little harder, and I can always improve things for myself and for others. But today, I'm grateful for what I have. And I'm grateful for all you unseen readers, and hope that you can find a little sunshine today. And may the heavens help me for spouting such awful cliches! :) God bless!

Milemarker and another goal

I have just passed 150,000 words in my novel. And is it done yet?

As I discussed earlier, I did not make last week's goal as set for me by my friend Michael. However, I've been given a new deadline, one which is significantly more feasible. Yesterday afternoon, Michael gave me five days to finish my novel. When exactly those five days start or end is questionable, but I've taken the goal to heart. Last night I stayed up far too late writing, and here I am at work writing again. Fortunately for me (but not maybe for my sense of focus) it's a slow day at work, which hopefully means lots of writing time--even a few minutes to spare for my neglected blog. So, basically--wish me luck!

P.S. On Saturday I saw 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' for the second time, and I just cannot express how much I enjoy it. It made my best friend weep for about twenty minutes. I didn't cry the second time, but it was still equally beautiful. I highly recommend it if you're in the mood for a drama or 'artistic' film. It's lovely.

Interesting thought...

A former professor of mine suggested to me yesterday that rather than pursue a second bachelor's in social work, to instead proceed as directly as possible into a Master's program. This is coming from a man who got a bachelor's in biochemistry, an MFA in acting, and I believe a third degree in library science.

Interestingly enough, the MSW program at the University of Utah (currently my school of choice) does not require as a prerequisite a degree in social work or a related field, but rather, simply, a baccalaureate degree from an accredited university. This is, of course, among their various other prerequisites, however, the point is that there is a definite possibility here.

I would definitely have to take at least a semester's worth of prereq classes, but after those are out of the way, the way is open. My professor suggested going up to the meet them and let them meet me, and see how we all felt about it. So...I guess we'll just see what happens, now won't we?


PS: This week I've also accepted an invitation to return to Pennsylvania for the summer, to work at the Governor's School for the Arts. And I'll tell you, that alone was enough to spark my old desire to bang on the system long enough to get one started here in Utah...oh the passion is rising in my soul once again...

Missed one goal, but there's another

I'm not sure how much a believer I am in New Year's resolutions. We kind of got talking about it at my birthfamily's house today, and a lot of my family just don't care, or don't want to make resolutions, for whatever reason. As I drove back down to Orem, I pondered about whether I should make some resolutions or not, and found myself indifferent to the idea as attached to the 'new year'.

However, I do have some goals that I would like to accomplish, and a new year is as good a time frame to set as any. Some are personal, some are goofy. Some include things I have already set out to do, like going back to school this fall. But I also have some very important goals that concern my writing.

It HAD been a goal of mine to finish my novel by the end of 2008. As you probably know, I participated in the National Novel Writing Month, which sets a goal to write 50,000 words of a novel within the month of November. This I accomplished and more. After November ended, I set a goal to finish my novel within the month of December. At the time, I imagined that my novel would be finished somewhere around 100,000 words--the average length of a fantasy or science fiction novel.

I met the 100k goal, and passed it. (I was at 118k by the time midnight hit, and wrote another 2,500 words between 1 and 2am this morning, and even more this afternoon. What a New Year's!) However, the novel is still not close to being finished. Which, of course, means there will be extensive editing once I DO finish it.

So my goal for the new year? Finish the silly thing, of course, but I also want to get over my various sundry fears, do a thorough revision, and begin submitting to agents and publishers, for both this novel, and the SF I wrote in 2007. This is the next step in my writing career--getting my work out there. I hope and am beginning to believe that my work is finally approaching a professional quality, and hopefully with a little help and some polish, will be ready for publishing. But we'll have to see, so for the moment I'm just pressing ahead with the writing.

May you all have a wonderful 2009! I'm hoping for one, myself. Best wishes!

75k!!!!

After hitting 50k on my NaNoWriMo novel over a week ago, I adjusted my personal goal to hit 75,000 words before the end of November. Well, I have 24 hours and 47 minutes left to go, and I just hit 75k. Think I can hit 80k by tomorrow night? We'll have to see!

And actually, the most impressive thing to me is the fact that I'm nowhere CLOSE to finishing my novel. I doubt I'm even halfway through the plotline yet, though we'll have to see on that one. This means that this will undoubtedly be the longest novel I've ever written, seeing as how my present record is about 90,000 words in total, and I'm almost there with so much left to go. I'm actually quite excited, I feel it's a sign of growth.

Hopefully I can take some more time starting next week to work on revisions on my science fiction novel, which I hope to start sending to editors and agents starting in the new year. I think once the pressure of NaNo is off, I will feel a little less guilty about spending quality time with my other project(s), though I'd really like to finish this novel by the end of the year. If I can write 75,000 words in a month, is it impossible to hope I can finish the book in another month? I think not!

So in summary, I love writing, I love books, and I love Harrison Ford. (I know that was random, but I'm currently wrapping up the fourth Harrison Ford movie I've watched today. My marathon helped me write 5,000 words today! So huzzah for Harrison Ford! :D And to all a good night.

A Time of Thanks

I have been inspired by Jen to compose a List of Gratitude, and though her list this year is much more profound, I also enjoyed last year's list, which was much more all-encompassing, and is in fact the inspiration for my own list this year.

The following few items are things that Jen would call "Goes Without Saying":

My Parents. Pretty much, what would I do without them? Well, I would be homeless and starve to death, but beyond that, my family provide an emotional shelter as well as the physical, and I rely on them probably more than is good for me. But I love them, and I am especially happy this year to be spending Thanksgiving with them.

My Brother. Going along with the family theme and yet entirely separate, I am thankful for my brother Kyle, who is currently serving an LDS mission in Virginia (D.C. South Mission). I am grateful for his example, and for his willingness to serve God and bring others to Him.

My birthfather and family. I just can't even express how grateful I am for my Pops, Jenny, and my sisters. They complement my life, they make me laugh, and they just expand the circle of love. Seriously. Adoption is the best thing ever. And speaking of...

The Jacksons. Yep. Adoption rocks.

My cousin Hollie and her kids. These are my closest family besides the immediates, and I love them immensely. <3 to Benjabuddy and Elainabug!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am exceptionally grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. You know, I have this one friend, non-member, who also somehow makes me have to stand up for my beliefs. And I'm grateful for that--I'm grateful that my testimony is so tested, that I can reaffirm, for myself, that I truly do believe in this church, in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and in my eternal Heavenly Father. I am grateful that I have a base from which the root of my being can be established, a rock upon which I have built my foundation, but also that I have this amazing support structure to hold me up when the winds blow.

My Friends. I seriously no kidding have the sweetest friends ever. No joke. I couldn't even list them all if I tried. And they're amazing. So supportive, so loving, always willing to chat and get together or say hi. I simply couldn't live without them.

Books. Writing them and reading them. It's sort of my ultimate hobby/new career move


To complement these most essential things, here are some of the more superfluous things for which I am grateful:

-My new car, Roxanne, who is EXACTLY what I wanted in a car.
-The ability to make a killer raspberry pie.
-My singles ward.
-Being a Gospel Doctrine teacher
-The Ensign
-Movies.
-The West Wing and House, M.D.
-Being able to play the piano.
-Music: at this particular time most particularly U2, Coldplay, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Nightwish, Epica, Within Temptation, Evanescence, and many, many others.
-My job. Much as I am bored by the day-in day-out routine, I am grateful for my income and for the general entertainment provided by my coworkers.
-PGSA. I keep my hopes up by remembering that if I so choose, I can quit my job in June and flee back to Pennsylvania for the summer.
-College.
-The Democratic Party and Barack Obama.
-My Blackberry.
-Frederick Warrick III (ie my iPod.)
-and Leopold, my beloved MacBook.
-Going to the temple every Wednesday.
-ADVERSITY.
-Flip flops.
-Costco.
-My electric griddle.
-The China Bowl and Cafe Rio.
-Blogging!
-Facebook.
-NaNoWriMo.
-My ten-minute commute to work every day. I get to see the Mt. Timpanogos Temple every day as I drive, and I get some precious time to contemplate whatever needs contemplation that day.
-GoogleChat, which is how I talk to my friends when I'm at work, and thereby keep from going insane.
-Chicken salad. You know, the stuff with chicken, grapes, cashews, and occasionally celery or green peppers or whatever.
-Wikipedia.
-Road trips.
-Skiing with my dad.
-My whiteboard. It's seriously the coolest creative space of all time.
-Dr. Pepper.
-Rock Band.
-Roommates. I wish I had some.
-Playing games.
-Long, hot showers. I seriously do some of my most creative brainstorming in the shower, and I'm not even kidding.
-GAS PRICES DROPPING!!!!
-Paid days off.
-Going to New York next summer!
-That my parents got to go to Hawaii to celebrate their anniversary. They deserved it.
-Baby Martin.
-Going on dates.
-Good theatre.
-Randomly deciding to go to Ogden for the weekend...and being able to go five minutes later.
-Sweaters. And sweatshirts.
-Holidays spent with family!
-Late night drives through town.
-The capacity to help other people.
-Netflix.
-Public libraries.
-Fresh notebooks.
-The National Parks. Being able to visit them.
-Bookstores.
-Trident gum.
-Sushi.
-Chapstick and hand lotion.
-Education in general, and teachers. I've had an awful lot of good teachers in my life.
-The gift of patience.
-The ability to learn from past mistakes and experiences, and to grow.
-The infinite power of hope.


I think I will stop there (because my list is getting ridiculously long) though I'm fairly certain I could go on forever. I honestly feel that I have an infinite number of things to be thankful for.

Mostly, I am grateful to live in a place where I can worship God and Jesus Christ in freedom, and be able to enjoy those freedoms with my beloved family and friends. I simply can't deny that life is good, and thus I intend to enjoy it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Infinite possibility

Today I got involved in a rather lengthy debate with my friend Michael. First it was about changing tables, but we won't even go there. (Except to say that men obviously just don't understand the value of changing tables.) We then began discussing what Michael calls 'ubiquitous computing' which implies, in his words, "that computers are universal and inside everything. Stoplights, cellphones, everything. Soon they'll be in our sunglasses." The discussion led to journalism and then to books, and my shared fear that books and print media in general will eventually become obsolete.

We continued to discuss the future of the printed book, and how dynamic books of digital paper may be the eventual replacement. A person would own a handful of digital books which would hold the same physical feel as books now, with their then digital, varied contents. Digital paper is already in the making, and Michael believes it is a near-future possibility.

According to our theory, books would then become something of a collector's item. Rich people might have bookshelves and libraries, or others would possess them out of the mild obsession of a collector. Handmade books might make a return at this point as an art form and novelty. Something like how people now collect records, but the mainstream society uses CDs and MP3. Although, books would still maintain functionality and a certain practical value, as opposed to owning them for the sake of possession, as in the case of records. They would simply not be part of the mainstream society.

Our conversation concluded as follows, and this is what I most wanted to share:

Michael: So only rich people and enthusiasts would buy them, but they would still be bought and loved.
How many things can that be said of when we talk about the ridiculously distant future?
I think that says a lot about how deeply books are ingrained in the heart of society.


Valerie: According to the views of you and me, at any rate.


Michael: But didn't you know Valerie? We're the ones who get to decide the future.

And this, my friends, is the pure and simple truth. We are the ones who get to decide the future. It is our actions here and now that decide what is important for the next generation, and affect the ones after that. This is our time, and I intend the make the most of it.

That's all. Have a great Thanksgiving! Eat some turkey, give some thanks, and think a few profound thoughts when you have a spare moment.

A certain familiar aspect of my life, restated

I was reading the blog of Brandon Sanderson, LDS author of some of my new favorite books. He recently wrote a blog about his life as an unpublished author--the period in which he was writing before his first book was published. He describes the descent of his writing as he tried to write for the market, as he tried to write what editors were telling him people wanted to read, and how it made his writing worse. He wrote a full dozen novels before one was published. He also writes about a point at which he firmly decided that he wanted to write novels for a living, and his determination to do whatever it took to do it. Further on, he writes about his decision to go to a Master's program for creative writing, to surround himself with a community of aspiring writers. And then he writes about his first success--one of the very first novels he had written.

I guess it got me thinking, which I tend to do too much of anyway. Right now, I'm still planning to go back to school, at least part time, and I'm planning to study social work. I see this as a viable option, because it is a career I think I could invest in--if not passionately, then at least enjoyably. It's something I think I could find satisfaction in doing.

However, I've never given up on my desire to be a novelist. This one thing has never wavered--I have been a writer since I was a child, and I have never stopped for any real length of time. Sometimes I am embarrassed to admit this, and often I try to hide my work from those around me who take note of it. After all, novel-writing is hardly a lucrative business. And besides, there are thousands of people who claim to be writers, who either never finish a single full-length work, or whose writing is childish and unimaginative. I have known many such people, and these are what cause my embarrassment when professionals around me take note of the inordiante amount of time I spend with a notebook or a Word file open.

I fully recognize the flaws in my own writing. I am not a published novelist (though I do have some claim with a few short stories) and there is good reason for it. I recognize that I have potential that I have not yet reached.

I also recognize that I want to be a professional novelist.

Here is my issue with this declaration: only the very very lucky and the exceptionally talented writers ever get published. It's an enormous market, awash with mediocre manuscripts from aspiring artists who want to make the big bucks. And, as affirmed to me by Mr. Sanderson, one cannot write for the market. This was the biggest problem with my most recently completed project--I was trying, honestly attempting to write the next Harry Potter saga. And it failed, miserably. It's terribly childish. And I realized--even if I could not express it so eloquently as Mr. Sanderson--that I can't write FOR something, that I can't make myself write something that I don't have in me. Certainly, I finished the novel. It's a goodly length, with a handful of noteworthy ideas. But it is poorly written and even more poorly plotted. It's boring. As I have been told time and again by writers and writing instructors, I must write for myself first. If a writer does not enjoy writing something, why would a reader enjoy reading it?

And so I move forward with my life. I have escaped the dry, monotonous spell that my muse left me in for a number of weeks. I am adjusting to real life. I am becoming accustomed to the day-in day-out nature of a full time job. And in the midst of this mediocrity, I write. The words spill from my fingertips as they often have, until I cannot believe how many pages have been filled that day, and then again the next. And perhaps they are not the prettiest words, and perhaps it is not the most interesting plot, but the next one will be better, as this one shall be better than the last. And perhaps one day, it all shall be worth it. That, my friends, is what we call hope.

A longing for Academia

I've pretty much decided to go back to school, though many of the details have yet to be worked out. I'm certainly one of those people who would be a perpetual student with the opportunity, but much too realistic to actually do so. However, I have almost--practically--decided to go back to school to pursue a second Bachelor's degree. I am certainly going to take a few classes and try it out. I am definitely going to take some sociology/social work classes, and test out that field. It appeals to me greatly, and I think I could find great fulfillment in a social work career, as long as I got the right job(s). I have great hope for it.

I have a great longing for academia in my life. I love the challenge, the passion, the expansion of my thoughts and critical thinking. I am very happy with who I am (if not with what I am doing) and I can give most of the credit to my formative college years. My opinions and my thought processes have developed extensively over the past four (and counting) years, and I long for continuing education in all aspects of my life. I feel that education is the only hope for a productive and fruitful society, and I will always be a proponent of higher education, as long as I live. Not least for myself!