A horse in my parking lot

I'm sitting on my front porch. The sun is setting. It's absolutely beautiful.

I have to acknowledge that I live in a small town. This was brought home to me when I came outside this evening to check the mail, and found a girl trotting a horse around the parking lot of my apartment complex. Now, granted, this doesn't happen every day, but it has happened before. You'll find random patches of rural land throughout my town, with cows or horses or chickens. And then it's back to Wal-Mart and the new shopping complex. It can be a strange dichotomy.

But it is beautiful. Birds are chirping in the trees that are finally starting to bloom. The air is peaceful. Just a distant hum of traffic. It's the perfect temperature right now, though I imagine it will get chilly soon.

I've been sick for a couple of days, and I didn't feel like doing much today. But the inside of my house was starting to feel like a prison, so I came out to check the mail and decided to stay. I brought my laptop, and now I'm hoping to crank out another chapter in my novel. Regardless, it's nice to breathe some fresh air that doesn't smell like my kitchen or the Scentsy in my bedroom. Don't get me wrong, I love my Scentsy. But it's not the same as the air outside.

I hope that you can enjoy some fresh air too. It does wonders.

Welcome Spring!

I do love spring. Sometimes I give spring a hard time, and sometimes I don't appreciate spring nearly enough. I have such a deep affection for autumn and winter that sometimes spring just gets a hard break in my book. But I really do love spring.

This year, I am planting flowers (which I received here). I planted several last weekend, but the rest have to wait another 6 weeks or so. I had a blast raking up the leaves and gunk from our planter boxes in the front of my apartment. There is something about gardening that has always been somewhat mysterious to me. I've never really serious gardened before--not that I expect to this year. I'll be lucky if ANY of my flowers grow...I can't even keep potted plants alive! But I found the fresh air and the dirt and the leaves immensely satisfying.

I have an annual tradition which dates four years ago now. In the spring of 2006 I was living in the Bell Apartments down in Cedar City. I lived on the second floor, I had a big window in my bedroom that looked out over Cedar. Every night for almost a month, I threw open that window and listened to the soundtrack of Rent. Something about that music...it has incredible nostalgic powers. It gives me a feeling of freedom (end-of-semester, perhaps?) and of endless possibilities.

I think that's really what spring comes down to for me. It's a restart, a refresh. Everything is coming to a close, and to a beginning. There is limitless potential, for the world and for my own life. Spring is when I take a step back, re-evaluate where I'm at and where I'm going. I make exciting plans for the future. I relax and unwind from the stress of winter. I am free.

I really do love spring. I hope to make the most of it this year!

I love summer! (Summer movie list)

I think I may retract that statement a little later in the season. Perhaps a more accurate assessment would be, "I love late spring and early summer", but that doesn't make for as clean a blog title. =)

Seasonally, May is one of my favorites. I also really enjoy September. But May just has so much...potential. Starting to get warm, drifting toward the languid summer nights were you sit on your porch and talk or listen to music and just enjoy life.

Thus, I believe I picked the perfect time to move out. I was sitting on my back porch last night talking to Melissa, and it literally was perfect. I had just gotten back from Taekwondo, so I felt good about myself and life in general. Wunderbar.

I particularly love the summer movie season. I've already seen three of the movies on my summer list, which (a la Gregorio) I shall enumerate below.

The Soloist. Now playing. This movie was somewhat strange, but I nevertheless enjoyed the performances of Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx. Perhaps running a little too long, I liked the resolution (and lack thereof) for the characters.

Battle for Terra now playing. I was more excited about this when I first heard about it, especially because there are several good names attached. However, my interest is diminishing the more I hear about it, so we'll see.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Now playing. As I stated in an earlier blog, I didn't much care for this movie. It was visually appealing, but the story and characters were weak. And a bit too much action for action's sake.

Star Trek Now playing. An absolutely engaging and enjoyable flick. Not much in the way of depth, but the charisma of these fresh new actors completely made up for it in my mind. Loved Bones!

Angels and Demons opening this week. I've never read the books and I'm not a fanatic, but it looks interesting.

Terminator Salvation the first Terminator to earn a PG-13 rating. Is it less R-rated or have we grown desensitized? Anyway, I got interested almost solely because of Christian Bale, but I've done a little reading, and I'm actually interested in seeing the previous incarnations of the Terminator. Something about the predestination paradox intrigues me.

Night at the Museum 2 The first one was, I'll admit, rather amusing. I have little hope for the second Ben Stiller romp, so we'll see if this ends up as a Netflix request instead.

Up because it's Pixar and it has the "Squirrel!" dog that makes me laugh every time I see the preview.

Away We Go because it has Allison Janney! No, really, the first time I heard about this movie, I was mildly interested, but the more I hear about it the more I want to see it.

The Proposal a distant possibly simply because Ryan Reynolds is cute. (Yes, I give into such nonsense every now and again.) More likely a subject for Netflix.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen which promises to be a lot darker than numbero uno. I just hope they let Shia LaBeouf act instead of being whiny the whole time [Compare Transformers to Eagle Eye. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.]

My Sister's Keeper because I saw a preview and it looks interesting (Abigail Breslin? We'll see)

[Public Enemies looks interesting, but a bit too violent for my tastes. Probably not one for me. Which is too bad, because I'll miss out on the eye candy!]

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince just cuz. (Incidentally, I think HBP is at least tied for my favorite book in the series. I hope David Yates holds up!)

That somehow ended up being a lot lengthier than I imagined when I embarked upon my list-making. But that just goes to show that there are a lot of good movies coming out this summer! I'm excited. Although, I have to admit that we've already bypassed one of my biggest anticipations for the season (Star Trek). But I'm still looking forward to a good few months of cinema viewing, in addition to camping and hiking and all sorts of good summery things!

I want to be in there with you!

Old Navy amuses me

I think I would feel cooler if I had discovered this for myself, but no, I simply stole it from Jen's blog. However, I totally thought it was worth passing along.

Old Navy has hidden coupons on their website today, and since I like Old Navy things but don't like their prices under normal circumstances, I thought I would pass along Jen's step-by-step low-down on the 50% off coupon, which I have already snagged for myself also.

Step one:
Go to Old Navy Weekly. You will come to a screen that looks like this:

Click on "Start Hunting"

Step Two:
At the bottom of the page you'll see the "vote for the best legs" option...and I have to agree with Jen here that it's a little scary, seeing as they're mannequins and they have plastic-formed legs. Although, I'm not going to lie that their commercials make me laugh. Anyhow, you have to vote, and in perfect keeping with our society today, you must give EACH mannequin the full five stars. It will look like this:


Step Three:
Wait. After 10-20 seconds, a tiny kite will start moving through the page. It will start in the lower-left part of the horizon and move upwards and to the right. Can you see it below?

You must click on the kite. And watch it, because it moves pretty quickly to hide behind the mannequins!

Step FOUR:
Once you successfully click on the kite, you'll immediately see this screen:


Click on "Add to your in-store coupon." At this point, you'll see THIS screen:


Step SIX:
Click on "Make Coupon" and this will pop up on the screen:


You can either print the coupon directly from here, or have it emailed to yourself. I emailed it to myself so that I'll remember that I have it when I get home from work and actually have the opportunity to use it! On what, I don't know yet, but hopefully something cute!

Enjoy!

PS: Thank you Jen for not penalizing me for outright blog-thievery. O_o

A few random thoughts

Thought A (on house hunting): No real progress today. Looked online at some condos, and I'm willing to go look at them, but my thought is, if I'm going to invest in a house, I want to invest in a house. I honestly don't know how long I'll stay in this place, and if it's long enough for a baby or three, I want to have a yard and some privacy and some space. Just sayin'. Also, thinking about making a bid on the first house (see post below), but definitely want to go look at more houses in the meantime.

Thought B (on writing): I wrote a fair bit today in my "companion novel" to Traitor Defiant. I'm just getting started with this one, but I'm actually pretty excited about it. Read Ender's Game? Read Ender's Shadow. That's a companion novel--instead of a sequel, which comes after, it covers the same span of time as the first book, just from a different POV. And so far it's fun--it's been so easy to jump back into this work and just GO. Also, my friend Michael complimented my writing today, and it made me smile.

Thought C (on life): Following the advice of my dear friend Gregory (although really, it was simply an offer I couldn't refuse) I went shopping with my mother this evening. It's been almost a year since I've bought clothes--so it was well past time. Macy's was having a big clearance sale. About half the store was Buy 1 Get 1 Free. My mom got some cute sweaters. I got three shirts, and I've noticed that women's clothing is tending toward hippieness, and that banded hems are popular on shirts right now. Fortunately, with the right blouse, I can make this look work. I also got a cute pair of petite jeans that are still long on me (that's life, though). I tried on some LBDs in hopes of finding one that will work for Dixy's wedding, without any luck tonight. However, my pride and joy of the evening were these:



I absolutely love shoes. I hate clothes, but I love shoes. These aren't as red as they look in this picture, and actually should go quite well with brown articles. I enjoy them immensely.

House ownership part II: House hunting

Tonight was my first experience in house hunting. And I will tell you now that this is likely to be a long and drawn out process.

We looked at two houses, and in just those two houses I came to the realization that houses are quirky and that house owners are quirkier. I actually really liked the first house. There are a lot of things that would need to change, but most of them are small. A fresh coat of neutral-colored paint would do wonders for--I kid you not--every room in the house. Maybe not the kitchen. The kitchen and other main rooms were by far my favorite part. LOVED them. Big, open and spacious rooms. The bedrooms were also large, though two of them were kind of awkward, and we weren't really sure whether they were originally meant to be bedrooms. But they were big!

The biggest problem in the house were the bathrooms. There were two, and they were very dated. Who decorates in pink? I mean really. And there were some "special" things that, in perhaps ten years and with lots of money, I would be able to fix.

But overall, I really liked that house. LOVED the main rooms. I really like the location, I like the yard, I like the three-car garage, I like the patio and the covered deck and porch, and I'm enchanted by the mailbox.

The second house was not so exciting. First of all, it was about three steps away from my parents house. I love them, but I don't want to spend the next x-# of years in their backyard. Need a little breathing space, if you know what I mean. (Just a couple of blocks, really, I'm not too picky.) It was a big house, but there were a lot of weird things. Weird decor, weird carpet, weird cabinet handles, really weird yard fixtures, and the bathrooms were all really small. AND...the basement was unfinished. PUH-LEAZE I don't need that kind of headache right now. So, drove away from that house with a No, thank you!

On a related note, I filled out loan paperwork tonight, and THAT was an adventure. I feel so inadequate! My dad reassures me that the bank LIKES boring, they want to see that I pay my bills (which I do), but I looked at my pitiful list of assets and my meager income and I thought, "they're going to think this is a joke". But off it goes to the bank tomorrow, to see what I can get pre-approved for. And then we go from there.

In the meantime, I want to look at more houses. I'm in no hurry, certainly, and looking at more places will give me a better idea of what I'm looking for. But I'll tell you--I'm sitting in a mixture of utterly freaked out and terrified, and hopelessly excited. I had a dream last night about having my whole singles ward in my house for a house warming party, so I take that as a good sign. =)

Home ownership

AH!

So, I was talking to my dad on Sunday about how life is great and stuff, and I mentioned to him that despite my deep and abiding love for him and my mom, it's my goal--sometime in the next six months or so--to move out of their house. I mean, don't get me wrong, living at home has its perks, but after four years out on my own, its a little claustrophobic. So the goal is: get the car paid off as much as possible, save up some cash in the meantime, then get my butt in gear and find an apartment.

However.

My father made an offhand suggestion at the time. He said something to the effect of, instead of investing in somebody else, how about you wait a little longer, save your money, and then invest in yourself and buy a house.

Wait, what?

Me, buy a house? Me, a twenty-something, to whom it was HUGE to get a car loan and be making that monthly payment. Home ownership is SO out of my league, it's not even funny. I don't know the first thing about buying a house! This is HUGE. Like, a life-long investment. I mean, home loans are like 30 year investments. I thought a four-year car loan was bad (trying to pay that one off in two, but we'll see how it goes!) Home ownership, I thought, was so totally out of my league as to be laughable.

Except, like so many things in my life, I can't stop thinking about it.

This morning, I kind of started asking my mom about logistics. The very basics. This whole affair is absolutely foreign to me, I can't even tell you. But as the day went on, I started looking up mortgage calculators (which I still can't make heads or tails of) and calculating exactly how much I could pay every month on my limited salary (with a car payment to boot) and what I would have to rent out the rooms for in order to make ends meet...

You can probably see where this is going. But the biggest surprise was when I got home--to hear that my parents had found a house. It's in our stake (one of my primary stipulations at the moment) and it's pre-foreclosure, so it's ridiculously low-listed, even in the current market. I insisted on going over to see it. Haven't been inside yet, but the outside is c-ute. At this point, I should have slapped myself to wake up from this nonsense, but it hasn't happened yet.

How do these things happen? It's one thing to discuss investments with Melissa (thinking at the time--that's cool, but I couldn't do anything like that) to semi-seriously discussing this with the parental unit. I mean, how many 22-year-olds do YOU know who own their own home? Seriously! This is craziness.

But...it's kind of exciting all the same.
I'll keep you posted.

Adulthood strikes again!!! (I apologize for rambling to follow)

I may just be buying a new car. Ah!
It's a Honda CR-V, 2004, red, AND it's a stickshift. :)

So, I've been wanting to buy a new car for several months now, but I've waited, making sure it was really something I wanted, and to save up some money so I could put a good chunk down. Originally, I had an eye on small pickups--Toyota Tacoma, especially, the smaller ones--mostly because I wanted to sit up higher. (Right now, I'm in a '94 Geo Prizm, which is about as low to the ground as you can get.) I want a bigger car, something I can sit up higher in.

I was drawn to the pickups because I thought they would get better gas mileage than the bigger SUVs, etc. However, upon doing the research, it turns out that pickups are quite the gas guzzlers. Many SUVs, particularly the smaller ones, actually get better gas mileage, as good as many sedans. And so I was drawn to the SUVs.

And actually, these turned out to be more of what I wanted anyway--they're big enough that I can haul my stuff in (and I tend to do a lot of hauling of my stuff) and yet I can still haul my peeps, too, which I can't do in a little pickup truck. However, I immediately knew that if I was going for an SUV, I would want a smaller one--pretty much as small as they come.

Let me explain: I don't really like big cars. My parents have had a minivan my entire life, and I HATE minivans. They're ugly, first off, and they just feel huge when you drive them. They're awkward to drive, to park, to u-turn, et cetera and so forth. I find that suburbans and large SUVs feel much the same, and that is not at all what I wanted.

And so it all came down to the test drive. I felt like a smaller SUV was what I wanted, but I needed to do some test driving to make sure. After consulting the web and the Consumer Reports, I narrowed down, basically to two vehicles, the Toyota RAV4 and the Honda CR-V. I was willing to look at others, but those were the two I had my eye on. Also, I had decided that I wanted a 2004, or possibly 05. I like the body style better. The younger versions, in both vehicles, tended to look more like extended hatchbacks, which is a look I don't much like. Besides which, the 2004s were starting to get more toward my price range. :)

The first car I drove today was a 2004 Honda CR-V, and I loved it immediately. It just felt right--I liked the size of it, I liked how it drove, I liked the feel of it--except that it was an automatic. TANGENT TIME!

I love driving manual transmission. I love my stickshift. My car now is a stick, and I love it. I learned to drive in that car, and if I can help it, I'll never have an automatic. This spurred my desire to get a slightly older vehicle--the Toyota stopped making standards after 2005, and the Honda, I believe, after 2006, which is lame. All of the cars I drove today except the one was an automatic, and I won't like that this particular vehicle draws me because it's a standard. Anyway--onward.

After the first one, I drove a Toyota Camry, and didn't much like it. Entirely besides the fact that I'm ready for something different, the Camry just felt boxy. I'm really too short for that car.

We looked at a couple more places, didn't really see anything interesting, so we then drove down to the Brent Brown Toyota dealership on University Parkway. There, I drove a 2007 Toyota RAV4. It was a nice vehicle, quite similar to the CRV, but it felt a little bigger (just a hair), and I didn't quite like the feel of it as much as the CRV. They were very minor differences, really. But that was the only one they had on the lot, and there's no way I could have afforded the '07.

TANGENT TIME AGAIN. Car salesman always focus on the payments and the financing, overlooking the sticker price. They want you to drive away today, and they're willing to do anything to get the payment you can afford. I say this all with great sarcasm--I'm at a point where I don't really care what the monthly payment is, I fully intend to pay the car off as quickly as possible, which means I want to know the ACTUAL COST of the vehicle. It drove me nuts to be constantly asked what kind of payment I wanted to make. I don't care! I just want to get a good deal on the car!

Anyhow, so after that, we decided to drive to the Honda dealership up the street. And there, sitting in the parking lot, was a little red, 2004 CR-V. AND it was a stickshift. The test drive was lovely, it just felt so good to have a stickshift. I don't know why it makes such a difference to me, but it really does. It became one of my major qualifiers for my vehicle purchase.

And then the games began. We went in to just take a look at the financing. Right. The first salesmen we worked with just wasn't being very flexible. He was holding at 13,995, which was a pretty steep price for this vehicle, which has some scratches and cosmetic defects, as well as 70,000 miles. The first CR-V we'd tested was at 13,500 with only 58,000 miles. But this first guy just wasn't budging on that, he kept going on about the certification/warranty on the car, blah blah blah, and we were pretty much ready to walk out. My personal limit walking in was 12 grand--I wasn't willing to pay anything more than that, because I felt like that was what I could afford.

This morning when we were leaving, I had privately wished to myself that I could have my Uncle Frank there when it came down to this part--he's a car salesman and knows his shit, as opposed to my parents and I. I mean, we tried to play the game, but we just don't have it in us. But of all the kismet things to happen, he was down for the BYU football game, and was five minutes down the street. I asked him to come by, and he did to take a look at the car.

That was when things got interesting. We all trooped back outside to look at the car. Uncle Frank was very leery of the cosmetic damage. We knew from the CarFax that the car had been in an accident, but there weren't any details about the damage or any repairs done. He pointed out all of the flaws, of which he made a great fuss, and got on the phone with "his guy" to find out the auction price of the vehicle, blah blah blah.

At this point, we were joined by the business manager of the dealership. He and Uncle Frank started debating about the actual worth of the car, about the depths of the damage, blahdeblahdeblah. My Aunt Debbie was trying to be supportive, while my parents continued in the conversation with Uncle Frank and the business manager, who obviously wasn't going to give us the car for 9,500, which is what Uncle Frank decided was the highest we should pay.

Finally, the business manager turned back to me--which was the smartest move he made--and asked me what I wanted, seeing as I was the one buying the car. Uncle Frank pulled me aside just as he was leaving and told me not to buy the car, while my Aunt Debbie told me to do what I wanted. Thanks for the support! (and I mean that with absolute sincerity. Without them, I couldn't have gotten the deal I did!)

The BM started rambling off about not being able to give us the car for 9,500, or 10,500 (which was my mother's original offer) because he had to make SOME profit off the car, but that he wished he could meet us somewhere in the middle, because he wanted to earn my business (he used that phrase a lot). At some point, he mentioned 11,500 as more of a middle ground, and at that point I finally jumped back in and asked if 11,500 was something he could do. He told me he'd go find out, and we all trooped back inside.

My poor father kept wanting to get us out of there so the car salesman wouldn't suck us in, but we just kept getting sucked back in! They're very good.

He eventually came back and told me he could in fact give me the car for 11,500. At that point, he had me--we were under my self-set budget of 12,000! But I still hadn't been approved for financing, I hadn't checked on what my insurance would be, blah blah blah. He then offered to let me take the car home for the weekend, to see how I felt about it. Hmm! I asked what I needed to do, and he had to go back to the office for approval. So we hung out for awhile.

THEN he came back and said he didn't get approval for that, BUT! if I would buy the car today, he could give it to me for 11,000! Had to think about it for awhile. I had already decided that I didn't want to buy the car today--I really wanted at least a day or two to think on it, besides checking on the financing and stuff. It was tempting, I'll admit, but I at last told him firmly that I wanted to wait until Monday. He guaranteed me the 11,500 til Monday.

And out we were! I'm still hoping I can get the car for 11,000 on Monday, but I'm still okay with 11,500 if that's what it ends up being. Whew!

Just for kicks, we went and drove a couple more cars, including a Subaru Forester (which was lame and felt like a station wagon), but the longer I considered it, the better and more confident I felt about the car. My Uncle Frank will certainly scorn me, but I'm okay with that. I feel like it's a good car, one that will last me a long time. I like the feel of it, I like sitting up higher, and I like having a bigger car--but one that still gets decent gas mileage (20/26). Also, it's red, the color I wanted, and it's a stickshift. AND we got them down $3000 from the original price! I have my uncle to thank for that one--if he hadn't been there telling me not to buy the car, they never would have budged!

I feel like I'm in a stable place in life. I have a solid down payment, and hopefully I can get at least a thousand out of my current car to put down as well. I feel confident that I can make the monthly payments, and I plan to put down quite a bit more, as well. If I can make the payments according to my plan, I will have the car paid off by the end of next summer, hopefully even earlier than that. I also feel like it will be really good to have this on my credit. It will help me to buy a home at some point in the future, and that is very important.

It's just weird to be doing adult things like buying my own car! But I just feel so good about it. I love the car, I feel like I'm getting a good deal, and I just feel so responsible and mature (as ridiculous as that sounds to say!) It feels so good to do this for myself. My parents helped me, they advised me, but I am doing this for myself. I have picked what I wanted, and I am buying it for myself. And oh goody, I get to pay the increased insurance and gas as well! Adulthood strikes again!!! :D

Renting Blues

So, I'm moving home. This is a rather unfortunate circumstance which I do not entirely regret. I need to save money, and all the reasons I moved to Salt Lake in the first place are mostly null and void, the only exceptions being 1) my independence and 2) living with Dixy, one of my best friends from college. Right now I need to save money (particularly considering that I have none) and hopefully I can get a job down here just as easily as one in Salt Lake.

With these things in mind, I spent half of last week trying to get in touch with my landlords, who were apparently away from their phones the whole time. At last reaching my landlady on Saturday, I informed her that I had lost my job, and that I needed to move out at the end of the month. As we had discussed when I signed my lease, she said she would list my room, and if she could find a renter she would let me out of my lease. I agreed this was fair, and went my way.

Today, I searched online listings to find my room. No luck. I checked all the regular haunts where Dixy found the house in the first place, to no avail. It's not there.

All I want to say is WTF? Did she forget? Am I being screwed? I don't know, I don't really care. I listed the room myself, and hopefully I can get things taken care of so I can get out of the lease. These landlords have been pretty good all around, so I don't want to jump the gun. I just want a peaceful resolution.

So, if anybody is looking for an apartment in Taylorsville, let me know. I've got a pretty sweet place for you.

Conference weekend

This weekend is the 178th Annual General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. This morning we had a Solemn Assembly to sustain our new Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. It's been a great conference so far, some very exciting and thought-provoking talks, in addition to the new authorities and general information.

Between sessions, several of my friends and I went over to T-ville High to play games--first we played flag football, then we played softball. Later that afternoon we tried Ultimate Frisbee for awhile, but at that point we just didn't have enough people and the wind was a little strong. But I'll tell you what--it felt so good to get out and play games outside. I'm not the sportiest person in the world, but I like to get out and run around, and today was the perfect day for it.

Also, this afternoon for several hours, my friends and I played and sang the Hymns. I love playing the piano, and I love singing with my friends, so this was just the perfect way to end such a wonderful day. I highly recommend it.

My Newest Addiction

And hopefully it subsides, since I just finished watching Season 2 (the only season I currently have access to.) Just so you can judge my addiction--I started watching it Saturday night. Mmm...addicted? Yeah.

A new member of the family

His name is Bertie. He's a goldfish.

I went to DI on Saturday and bought a fishbowl for a dollar. What a steal. But when I went to Wal-Mart and talked to the fish guy, he told me that I had to have non-chlorinated water (aka not tap water) for my fish, and that it had to sit at room temperature for 24 hours before I put a fish in it. And, he told me in an aside, they get new batches of fish on Mondays. Wink wink.

So I bought rocks and some little plants and put them in my fishbowl. On Sunday I got purified water at my moms house and poured it in Sunday night. Then, this afternoon, it was back to Wally World to find Bertie.

A Strange New Desire

I want a dog.

I've always liked dogs; my family has had a dog since I was 6 or 7, and I think a dog is the most wonderful companion in the world. Go dogs.

For the next month or so I'm working from home; possibly longer. Even if I pick up a second job, I'll only be out of the house a couple hours a day. And I'll tell you what--this big house gets mighty lonesome when all the roomies are at work and school all day and I'm here, with nothing really to do and nobody to talk to.

I found a beagle for free on ksl.com and this strange new desire sprung forth within me, within about three seconds of looking. She's spayed, she's four years old and already house broken, and she just needs a good home. I would definitely be here to take care of her!

I thought to myself "The roommates will never go for it." But when I hesitantly brought up the subject with Nat, she was all for it. I haven't talked to anybody else, but I took it as a good omen. My next thought, however, was "The Landlords will never go for it." But Nat encouraged me to call just to see. So I called Emily. She said no, but as we continued talking, she agreed to address the subject with her husband, warning me that the answer would probably be no. But her agreeing to ask was something, at least.

I know its ridiculous, that a dog is a huge investment, especially when I don't know where I'll be in six months. But a dog would definitely help those long lonely hours working from home. Who knows? However, if I'm not allowed to get a dog, I'm definitely getting a fish. I may get a fish anyway. Fish are cool.

Today life just sucks

Laughingly, I told my boss:

"I've signed into an apartment, and I'm scheduled to move in on Friday. I guess it depends on how much work you throw at me! And by the way, I'm definitely hoping for more--I need to be able to pay for the place, you know!"

He wrote back and said:

"Realistically how many hours a week would you need until things really ramp up?"

NOT the answer I was looking for.


I'm job hunting again. I'm looking for part-time right now, maybe to off-set the absolute lack of money coming from what I thought was my ideal job. But if I can't find part time, it'll be full time, and then what? I'm an underpaid college graduate bumming my life away in suburbia, hoping to get a break someday? Hoping to pay the bills rather than hoping to find joy in pursuit of my passion?

I hate moving out. I hate packing. I don't mind moving in, I don't mind unpacking. It's just this, right now--the state of flux. It doesn't help to have all this uncertainty surrounding me--will I be able to pay for my new apartment? It's not looking like it!!

I don't know what I want. I have friends and relationships here, in Salt Lake and in Utah, relationships that I cherish more than anything else in the world. But what do I want? I have grad school interviews this weekend--I get excited about grad school more than most things left to me, but to what end? Am I even going to pursue theatre? Suburbia has opened its mighty jaws and is attempting to swallow me whole. It won't be long before rent becomes a mortgage to pay.

I'm terrified. I'm depressed. Tonight, I'm lonely. I know everything will look better tomorrow, but today, complaining to my blog is what suits my needs.

Today life just sucks.