Self Analysis

I really need Melissa for this...I just confuse myself. But she's watching a movie right now, and stuff.

I feel like I rush into things. All kinds of things. I do it all the time, really--I rush headlong into things at full-speed-enthusiasm. And a lot of the time, it smacks me in the face, sets me on my ear, and then laughs at my humiliation.

Jobs, for instance. I get so excited just at the prospect of a potential job. Like this interview I had today...I am gung-ho excited about it, but I keep trying to quash my hopes because I know myself. Sure, it was a good interview. And you'd better believe it would be a fantastic job for me. Will I get it? I have no idea. My instincts are totally unreliable in this matter.

I'm glad I trusted my instincts last week, and turned down the job offer. It definitely wasn't right. That's prolly one of the few instances where I didn't follow my headlong-rush pattern.

But then there's this thing with Chris. Premature? Maybe. Rushed? Yeah. Sudden? Definitely. But that's always kind of how I've done things. (Not that it's ever worked before, mind you!) I fall head-over-heels likkity-split, and then I really fall in love later. I've come to recognize the signs, though, of true love rather than just crush or infatuation. At least I've matured that much. But it takes time. Right now, I couldn't tell you what this is. Give me time. How long before I know? I don't know. Right now I'm just having fun, enjoying a bright and engaging young man, and seeing how it goes.

I just wish I was more temperate. I feel like I'm unpredictable, but I also feel like I'm wishy-washy. How can I know what I really want out of life or anything, if I don't know the day before it falls in my lap?