House ownership part II: House hunting

Tonight was my first experience in house hunting. And I will tell you now that this is likely to be a long and drawn out process.

We looked at two houses, and in just those two houses I came to the realization that houses are quirky and that house owners are quirkier. I actually really liked the first house. There are a lot of things that would need to change, but most of them are small. A fresh coat of neutral-colored paint would do wonders for--I kid you not--every room in the house. Maybe not the kitchen. The kitchen and other main rooms were by far my favorite part. LOVED them. Big, open and spacious rooms. The bedrooms were also large, though two of them were kind of awkward, and we weren't really sure whether they were originally meant to be bedrooms. But they were big!

The biggest problem in the house were the bathrooms. There were two, and they were very dated. Who decorates in pink? I mean really. And there were some "special" things that, in perhaps ten years and with lots of money, I would be able to fix.

But overall, I really liked that house. LOVED the main rooms. I really like the location, I like the yard, I like the three-car garage, I like the patio and the covered deck and porch, and I'm enchanted by the mailbox.

The second house was not so exciting. First of all, it was about three steps away from my parents house. I love them, but I don't want to spend the next x-# of years in their backyard. Need a little breathing space, if you know what I mean. (Just a couple of blocks, really, I'm not too picky.) It was a big house, but there were a lot of weird things. Weird decor, weird carpet, weird cabinet handles, really weird yard fixtures, and the bathrooms were all really small. AND...the basement was unfinished. PUH-LEAZE I don't need that kind of headache right now. So, drove away from that house with a No, thank you!

On a related note, I filled out loan paperwork tonight, and THAT was an adventure. I feel so inadequate! My dad reassures me that the bank LIKES boring, they want to see that I pay my bills (which I do), but I looked at my pitiful list of assets and my meager income and I thought, "they're going to think this is a joke". But off it goes to the bank tomorrow, to see what I can get pre-approved for. And then we go from there.

In the meantime, I want to look at more houses. I'm in no hurry, certainly, and looking at more places will give me a better idea of what I'm looking for. But I'll tell you--I'm sitting in a mixture of utterly freaked out and terrified, and hopelessly excited. I had a dream last night about having my whole singles ward in my house for a house warming party, so I take that as a good sign. =)

Home ownership

AH!

So, I was talking to my dad on Sunday about how life is great and stuff, and I mentioned to him that despite my deep and abiding love for him and my mom, it's my goal--sometime in the next six months or so--to move out of their house. I mean, don't get me wrong, living at home has its perks, but after four years out on my own, its a little claustrophobic. So the goal is: get the car paid off as much as possible, save up some cash in the meantime, then get my butt in gear and find an apartment.

However.

My father made an offhand suggestion at the time. He said something to the effect of, instead of investing in somebody else, how about you wait a little longer, save your money, and then invest in yourself and buy a house.

Wait, what?

Me, buy a house? Me, a twenty-something, to whom it was HUGE to get a car loan and be making that monthly payment. Home ownership is SO out of my league, it's not even funny. I don't know the first thing about buying a house! This is HUGE. Like, a life-long investment. I mean, home loans are like 30 year investments. I thought a four-year car loan was bad (trying to pay that one off in two, but we'll see how it goes!) Home ownership, I thought, was so totally out of my league as to be laughable.

Except, like so many things in my life, I can't stop thinking about it.

This morning, I kind of started asking my mom about logistics. The very basics. This whole affair is absolutely foreign to me, I can't even tell you. But as the day went on, I started looking up mortgage calculators (which I still can't make heads or tails of) and calculating exactly how much I could pay every month on my limited salary (with a car payment to boot) and what I would have to rent out the rooms for in order to make ends meet...

You can probably see where this is going. But the biggest surprise was when I got home--to hear that my parents had found a house. It's in our stake (one of my primary stipulations at the moment) and it's pre-foreclosure, so it's ridiculously low-listed, even in the current market. I insisted on going over to see it. Haven't been inside yet, but the outside is c-ute. At this point, I should have slapped myself to wake up from this nonsense, but it hasn't happened yet.

How do these things happen? It's one thing to discuss investments with Melissa (thinking at the time--that's cool, but I couldn't do anything like that) to semi-seriously discussing this with the parental unit. I mean, how many 22-year-olds do YOU know who own their own home? Seriously! This is craziness.

But...it's kind of exciting all the same.
I'll keep you posted.

Rain

I walked out of my house this morning, and it smelled like rain. You know that smell. I don't have the greatest sense of smell in the world, but I can smell rain on grass and concrete. And to me this morning, it smelled like spring. And I just love a warm rain--it always puts me in this sort of nostalgic mood, and I remember playing with my toy circus as a child, or throwing my window open to the rain in the Bell Apartments, curling up on my bed with my laptop, and writing for a full rainy afternoon. I love the smell of rain.

Proof Ecstasy

This was a free proof copy courtesy of Create Space, which was the prize for completing the National Novel Writing Month back in November. After polishing it (mostly for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, but who's complaining) I submitted for my free proof copy. You have no idea how ecstatic I was to receive my package this morning, and I had to have Cindy with me before I could open it. It doesn't really mean anything, except that I have a copy of my book. But it makes me immensely happy for some obscure writerish reason.

Behold!*







*I apologize for the poor quality of my photos, I couldn't wait to get home to take them with my camera, so these are on-the-spot cell phone cam pics. Can you really blame me, though?

NEW FEATURE!!

Take a moment, scroll down and check out the ADOPTION BUTTON on the sidebar over there ==>

Jen created this beautiful button, and I encourage you to check out her blog to get to know her a little better. Seriously one of my favorite people in the world.

As you ought to know as a reader of my blog, I am an avid proponent of adoption, and it could not be more the case than with the family of my Ian. Adoption has become more and more about being in the right place at the right time. That was certainly the case with Ian's adoption--some mutual friends happened to speak up at the right moment, and then friendship and Heavenly Father took over. So if you know someone who's considering adoption, please don't hesitate to send them our way. It's all about love. =)

Games

I'm a trifle disappointed this evening, only because there were some members of my FHE group who did not enjoy Mao, which is my new favorite game, introduced to me by the Haycocks. I'm surprised by how many people I meet who have played it before. And I tried to lead my FHE group in this game, and it only lasted one round because some of the young men simply wouldn't cooperate. I suppose they thought they were being funny. Not that I don't like these boys, but I was disappointed all the same. I try to at least show a modicum of enthusiasm for things my friends like to do. I mean...isn't that common courtesy?

Profound thoughts of a profoundly profound nature

Or something like that...

The other day, I was talking to my friend Jameson about workplace satisfaction. He's in a business class, and they were talking about the factors that influence job satisfaction. Of course I don't know all of the details. But some of the things were pay scale and benefits, coworkers, and fulfillment from the work itself (among many other things).

Jameson found my situation interesting. I find my job itself to be tedious, indicating one factor of dissatisfaction. I like my workplace itself, I enjoy my coworkers, and my pay/benefits are acceptable. However, I am allowed to write in my spare time once my work is done, which influences my overall satisfaction with my job. While it's not the work itself, I do find satisfaction while at work.

I've been reconsidering some pretty major decisions lately--particularly my decision to go back to school. My major drive to go back to college is in that search for fulfillment. Because I'm not pursuing my original passion/major (theatre) for personal reasons, I thought that I thereby could not find satisfaction in a job that I could obtain without a degree in something else. Thus, I would go back to school to obtain that degree.

However, I'm finding that I can be fulfilled in other ways besides my job. I don't mind my job--I like the people, it's steady and consistent, and while there I can write, which is an enormous passion that I will always pursue. I've discovered that I can find a lot of fulfillment in my ward and callings there, and I'm getting involved in volunteer work that is like nothing else I've ever done before--and which brings me immense satisfaction.

So I don't know that I really want to uproot yet again. I really want to stay in my ward, I want to have some consistency there. And if I'm not unhappy, if I can find that fulfillment that I was looking for in the first place, I'm not sure I'd go back to school except for my obsessive love of school itself. At this point, I don't feel like I'm missing anything that could be gained by going back. So, while I haven't made a firm decision, I'm leaning toward staying right where I'm at.

Valentine's Dance

Camaraderie

Last night I went over to my wardhouse to help decorate for the Valentine's dance this evening. We started about 9:30, and there were a few of us that didn't leave til about 2:30am. But I can't tell you how I enjoyed myself. It looks like a Mormon cultural hall that was attacked by Cupid's raging cherubs. It was fun just to hang out, to talk, to listen, to work at a relaxed pace without any need to hurry and get done. And of course I'm exhausted today, but I had a great time. I wish I had taken pictures...but hopefully we'll get some good ones at the dance tonight.

Evening's entertainment

Last night I watched my very first episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series with my father. I can't tell you how amusing it was. We didn't watch the episodes in any particular order, so I couldn't even begin to tell you where they fell in the series. And that may have been an injust cause of my amusement. In every episode, the costumes changed rather drastically (though they were universally cheap and so sixties--I can see where Mrs. O got her lemongrass color!) and so did Spock's eyebrows! There was one episode in particular where he was wearing that lemon-lime shade that almost perfectly matched the sallow color of his face, and his eyebrows were pointing almost straight up into his hair. Precious!

For the most part I enjoyed the episodes we watched, though most of them reminded me strongly of The Twilight Zone. I watched in all seriousness except for a few moments that I simply couldn't contain my giggling--usually involving some particularly atrocious special effects, though frequently over the melodramatic acting.

All in all, a worthwhile evening's entertainment.

Weird thoughts

I don't think guys realize how much girls think about their weddings. I mean, even without a male prospect in mind, girls think about their weddings all the time, out of context. There are a lot of things like that, but I find weddings to be fairly universal for females of my age and relative social stratum.

Anyway.

I was thinking about bridesmaids this evening. My younger sister (the oldest daughter of my birthdad and other-mom) is engaged, and I have been appointed her maid of honor. Also, one of my good friends is almost-engaged (they have an appointment at the temple, but still no ring--it seems backwards to me), and it occurred to me this evening that I probably won't be asked to be a bridesmaid for that one. So that got me started thinking about who I would ask to be my bridesmaids--pending the unknown future spouse's close female relatives, of course. But then THAT led me to another strange thought.

Did you know that I have four siblings that I have never met? Half-siblings, actually. I don't even know their names. I'm pretty sure that my birthmother told me at one time, but somehow I let that information slip my mind. I have three brothers and a sister that do not know that I exist (as far as I know). This is a fact of my life that has perturbed me for some time now, and though I go long periods without dwelling on it, it always strikes me strangely when it reoccurs.

So as I was thinking about my bridesmaids, I was thinking about my best friend and my three sisters, when it suddenly occurred to me that somewhere in the world I have another sister who doesn't know I exist. And I'll admit that it made me more than a little sad to think that she couldn't come to my wedding because she wouldn't know it's happening because she doesn't know who I am or anything about me, and that it's likewise for me. And it just struck me as incredibly, impossibly strange that I could share blood--close, real blood--with someone and yet be so impossibly separated. Tonight, it makes me sad. That's all.

I hope you have a great day!

I read a lot of blogs. Most of them belong to friends and family, but sometimes I go exploring. I also have received recommendations from friends of blogs THEY read that I may enjoy (hint hint, nudge nudge). There is something about this format that fascinates me. Perhaps it is the very personal nature of it. I mean, a blog is almost like a journal for some people, where its a soap box for others, and anything inbetween. I enjoy discovering more about people, and more about how other people see and experience the world. Besides, I simply enjoy to read.

Today I was deeply affected by something I read. I don't know the blogger personally, its a friend of a friend. And I don't want to get into too much detail. But what I read made me step back and really examine something that I believed. I questioned, I probed, I pondered. For a solid hour this morning, I was profoundly disturbed by this thing that I read written by someone I don't even know.

I got over it. I read something else that made me feel better. I realized that I did in fact believe what I thought I believed. My belief was not shaken, but I could not believe in that moment how profoundly affected I was by this stranger's blog.

I guess my thought is that we never know how we're going to affect other people by our daily actions. This is what the R.S. teaches all the time with visiting teaching. It is our belief that God puts people in our path to better our lives--and that he uses US in that way to benefit others. And I sometimes worry that I am letting those opportunities pass by.

Today I read a talk by President Monson . I have this one last thought to share. I apologize for the overt religiousness, please bear with me. But this statement struck me particularly today:

"Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existant future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey--now. We will never regret the kind words spoke or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."

Dear reader, I hope that you have a wonderful day. Let it be a good one. It IS Friday, after all. :)

Success after much frustration

Yesterday I finished my revisions while at work and at home I sat down to submit mein buch to the ABNA. However, upon opening the file I had emailed home, I was horrified to discover that it didn't contain any of the revisions I had worked on. I had a coworker search my work computer, but nothing--50 pages of work, gone.

It turns out that I had saved my work to a temp file instead of my documents, and the version I emailed was not the one I had been working on all day. When I shut down my computer and went home, the temp file was erased and my work vanished.

This only re-emphasized my absolute hatred for PCs.

At any rate, I spent today re-doing the revisions and adding finishing touches. And as of 12:40am, I submitted my novel "Traitor Defiant" to the contest. Now there's nothing doing but to wait until the middle of march when the quarterfinalists are announced.

Woot! for submitting my novel, but grr! to stupid computers. Argh! to the revision process (which never really ends) but yay! to being done for now. And now dear friends, good night.

The Good and the Bad

Life is so weird. It seems impossible to me that there can be so much good co-existing simultaneously with the bad.

I mean, for me personally today was a great day. I got to magnify my calling AND get to know some great girls in my ward. It felt great. And it was SUCH a nice day today, sunny and somewhat warm and very beautiful. I went on a walk with my family, and it was SO nice to feel the sun on my face. You don't know how much you enjoy sunshine until you spend all day every day in an interior office. It was glorious.

However, in that same beautiful afternoon, the bishop's house caught fire. They'd just finished a brand new renovation after struggling for so long just to get it. And their whole house is damaged, from fire and smoke. It was a true tragedy, one that affects me only by witnessing, and by my sense of helplessness.

Equally disturbing are the Pennsylvania governor's proposed budget cuts--which would completely cut my beloved summer job, the Governor's School for the Arts, as well as all the other Schools of Excellence. It's devastating to everyone who has seen the effect the Schools have had on students. Literally thousands of students have gone through the program since it's inception in the early 70's, affecting the arts in PA and across the country. My friends there have been scrambling in their letter-writing and protest efforts. This morning I wrote the PA governor, and again that sense of helplessness, where I wonder what more I can do.

This is what I came home to after a wonderful date this evening. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. It was Japanese-themed evening, culminating in a BYU showing of "Tokyo Drifter". Seriously funny. It was an absolutely wonderful evening, echoed with other friends' similar triumphs.

How can such darkness so mirror the light? I guess it's late, and I'm feeling a little melodramatic. But I see such turmoil in the world, and it saddens me. I want there to be light for everyone, but failing that, I just wish I could do more to fight the darkness.

The Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award

For details, see www.amazon.com/abna or www.createspace.com/abna

Basically, it's a contest for unpublished novels. I decided as of this morning that I am going to enter. The entrance period starts Monday at 12:00am, and goes for a week or until they get 10,000 entries, whichever comes first.

I will be honest when I say that I have always been terrified of submitting my work. Part of the purpose of this blog has actually been to encourage myself to talk about my writing. You see, there are literally thousands--perhaps millions--of people who consider themselves to be "writers". And many if not most of them are absolutely terrible. A lot of time its a maturity thing: they just don't have a maturity of themselves or of their writing style. I've been there. And I have always feared being considered part of that group--the nerds, the socially awkwards, the people you look away from and roll your eyes behind their back.

So talking about my work to other people has always been a challenge for me, entirely besides the fact that I--like anyone else--fear rejection, particularly over something I invest myself so fully in. A novel is like a baby, flesh and blood and soul.

To submit writing is equally challenging. I never feel like its ready, like its good enough. There is always more polishing to be done, always more revisions that could make it better.

When I heard about this contest, though, it struck a note with me. It's nervewracking--I mean, how do you make your novel stand out against 10,000 others?! There are so many factors working against me and my work, so many things that are not in my favor, so many things left unfinished, unpolished.

But finally, I took a step back and said, What the heck?

Today I have been stressing over a cover letter/pitch. Basically, I have to sell my book and myself in 300 words or less. I would like to thank the dozen or more people who read said pitch over the course of the afternoon, as well as the handful that took a gander at my Author Bio. Let me tell you--there is nothing more challenging than talking about yourself in the third person without sounding like an absolute prig. Guh!

Over the course of the weekend I shall be making some last minute revisions as well as solidifying my submission package. It's a challenge, but I'm just going to give it a go and see what happens. Wish me luck!

Behold!

(I would recommend clicking on it and watching in the Facebook window, then you don't have the funny blog background.)

The Roadshow: Part Z

It's over! It was marvelous. Pictures to come.

The Value of Hard Work

Today is Friday. Normally I am a great lover of Fridays. There's just something about them that makes them seem infinitely brighter than the rest of the week. Maybe it's the imminent freedom of the approaching weekend. Or maybe the sun just shines more on Fridays (not that it seems that way on this rainy day!!) Today's Friday seems particularly bright, however, because I am pretending the roadshow does not exist. That's right. Today there is no roadshow. It will come back tomorrow in full force, but for today I am blissfully ignoring its existence.

What I really wanted to write about today is the somewhat abstract concept of hard work. It's been on my mind as I watch people and society around me. Our society has grown remarkably lazy, as no one will hesitate to point out. People (I use the term in its most vague and general terms) seem to expect rewards to simply be handed to them. Jobs. Diplomas. Money. I see this at work a lot--people who call in wanting refunds, because times are hard, and expecting to get money just for the asking. Well, friends--times are hard for us, too.

Hard work is not a concept I have appreciated in every part of my life. I have had my lazier periods--still do, in fact. There are a lot of nasty or difficult tasks that come through a persons' life.

However, I am coming to appreciate just how beautiful and important hard work really is.

There are plenty of platitudes out there about hard work; I will try to spare you. But with utmost sincerity I can tell you that when you really work for something, when you work so hard you think you'll explode with the stress of it, when you've given everything you have and still you are asked to give more...well, I believe that's when you really find the value in it, whether it's a job, education or church, a relationship or a friendship. Putting in the effort gives these things value.

I look at my college experience, particularly in the theatre. My last show there, Henry V, was immensely challenging. It required hours upon hours of effort, and every last drop of ingenuity I had. I gave it my all, everything and more that I had to give. There were other shows like that too, but Henry V truly stands out as the crowning jewel of my experience there. I loved that show. And it's because I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to be happy, working as hard as I was. And amazingly enough, it worked.

I look now at my singles' ward experience. Through college, I never had a ward that I really cared about. I always wanted cool callings, and was regularly disappointed by the things I was asked to do. My efforts therefore were lackluster--I went to church, I played the piano in Sacrament meeting or whatever my calling was, but that was the extent of my efforts. But my current ward...I went in with the desire and intention to challenge myself. I asked for a challenging calling--not a glory-filled one like I had always imagined that I 'deserved', but something that would stretch me and my skills, something that would take effort and preparation. I was called as a gospel doctrine teacher. Since that calling, nearly everyone I have told of it has sympathized, bemoaned my fate. And yet...I don't find myself complaining. It's difficult. It's a lot of work. It scares the crap out of me every single time. But...I wouldn't give it up for the world.

I look at this roadshow. I have been commended for taking it on, but honestly, I didn't think about it twice when I was asked. And it has been so rewarding--challenging, certainly. Frustrating at times. Chaotic and maddening. But I've gotten to know more people, I've gotten to write and direct, to teach a little and to enjoy these wonderful people who have sacrificed of their time to participate. Throughout the entire experience, I have not begrudged the work and the time and the effort, because it is so worth it!

I don't mean to be self-righteous, and I don't mean to preach. This is more a self-exploration of these things anyhow--realizing that when I have given of my efforts as selflessly as possible, I have enjoyed the experience more. I want to explore the things that I have realized are important.

My point here is that the joys of hard work apply everywhere, to everything. Nothing in this life is going to be easy, and if it is you're probably doing it wrong. The Gospel of Jesus Christ was not meant to be easy--we have to work for it, every moment of every day we have to restore our faith and our desire to follow the direction we have been given. Our daily life was not meant to be easy--we should find ways to challenge ourselves, to force ourselves to grow and improve. Whether its through work or hobbies or friendships, we will be happier if we are active and involved and seeking to challenge ourselves. And when the trials come--hardships through family or finances, through personal challenges or deep questions, my response to you is the same: just keep trying, and have faith. The same goes for relationships, whether with spouses or siblings or children or aunts or cousins or friends, close or the barest acquaintence. Relationships are not easy. They take work, hard and something grueling effort, whether to overcome anger or to overcome apathy, to fight the little annoyances, or to win their heart each and every day. Nothing worthwhile is easy, and if you stop working to keep the things that are important to you, you will lose them, more often than not simply through your own indifference.

The Roadshow: Part Y

I'm really mad at myself, because I meant to take pictures at rehearsal tonight and I totally spaced it. There was even a great moment where, exhausted, J.T. and I were still up writing song lyrics and arranging a reprise. Oh yes, dear reader, we are ADDING a musical number--ANOTHER musical number--with the performance less than three days away. Oh yes we can! And I totally should have gotten a picture, at least of the musical rehearsals this evening. I am an utter failure as a historian.

Other than that, rehearsals are going fairly well. Tonight was hard, people were tired--I certainly was--and the energy wasn't quite where we wanted it to be. Hopefully tomorrow is better--it had better be, or I'm going to kick some booty, I'll just say that here and now! Then we have Friday night off (Hallelujah!) and then Saturday is the big day. So keep your fingers crossed folks we are counting down the days!

The Roadshow: Part X

I think I've discussed the roadshow here and there, but let me reintroduce you to this madness that has been consuming my brain power for the last month. My stake (a local chapter of my church, a grouping of the smaller wards) is having a roadshow, which is this Saturday evening, and I was asked to take charge of my ward's portion. During December, I wrote the script and lyrics around the theme of service and in the mandated setting of a garage, among other prerequisites. Starting after the new year, I have been dragging various ward members by the scruffs of their necks to get them to practice and learn this mini-musical. Even though I'm a theatre regular and know how the thing goes, I was starting to feel nervous there for awhile. Fortunately, things are finally starting to come together, as I knew they would.

I happen to have a fantastic musical director, who just seemed to appear right when I needed him and possessed of the perfect skill set for the job. I don't think this would have happened without J.T., and I'll say that with a perfect frankness.

It's been a long time since I've been in a directorial role--since taking Directing II in the spring of 2007--two years ago now. (Wow.) It's a totally different mindset than being a stage manager, as I am accustomed to, and it's been a very nice stretch. This is a relaxed setting. It doesn't have to be perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. There are no judges here, of any kind. No grades or reviews hang in the balance. This has been FUN. It's sort of a mockery of theatre, but then, what musical isn't a bit tongue-in-cheek? Tonight I spent half my breath telling the girls to "Keep giggling!!" (the other half was telling them that I couldn't hear or understand them, but that improved as the night wore on.)

God knew I needed this. He knew that I needed to stretch my theatre legs, but not too much. He knew that I needed a chance to get to know more people in my ward. He knew that I needed something to occupy my mind and my time during this period of my life, brief though it is. He knew I needed a goal to work toward, and people to chivvy toward it with me. So yes, it will be a relief to put it behind us, but I don't intend to take much time off afterward--I'm getting used to having church business to keep me busy.

Look for more roadshow updates as we get closer to the big day!

The Inauguration of Hope

I have to agree with Jen to say that I'm looking forward to four (and hopefully more) fabulous years of fine First Lady fashion. {Photos courtesy of MrsO.org] Michelle Obama is already becoming well-known for her taste (and frugality) in fashion, for her and for her two girls. I watched the Inauguration today while at work--amidst the complaints and speculations of my Republican coworkers. Actually, I sat down for a meeting with the CEO, which became a half-hour discussion of politics that I was not expecting, but which I nevertheless enjoyed. We agreed that we--like much of the country--are falling less toward left and right, and more toward centrist politics, and that President Obama will most likely find his policies more centrally-located in order to please and accomplish anything among the American people over the next four years. The Inauguration today was fascinating to me--I kept CNN.com Live on for nearly four hours, watching the dignitaries and the events. I particularly enjoyed the performance of John Williams' piece. I have a special place in my heart for Yo Yo Ma, which we can blame entirely (like so many other random things) on The West Wing. I did enjoy President Obama's speech, though it wasn't quite what I was expecting. Don't ask me what I was expecting though, because I can't really say. I particularly enjoy the concept of the Age of Responsibility. President Obama spoke truly when he said that we as Americans are going to have to pick ourselves up out of this low spot we've gotten ourselves into. I guess today I'm just grateful, like so many others, for hope and the possibility of change. My Republican friends would say I'm blindly following. Whatever. At least there is potential here. We have an engaging new President, who has a wonderful and supportive family who are equally engaging for varying reasons. I am looking forward to what the future is going to bring.

Triumph!

I will post more later, but for now I wanted to let you, my dear reader, know of my triumph. I have completed a draft of my novel, monstrous beast that it is. Hopefully I can now regain some of my brain power, which will let me blog about all the OTHER wonderful things in the world.

Final word count (for this draft):
Word: 168,704
Scrivener: 169,471

Oh yes. It's enormous. Much revising to come, but not until I get some time away from it to regain that aforementioned brain capacity. Perhaps I will return to the neglected revisions of my SF draft...

Have a wonderful weekend!

Bouncing

I absolutely LOVE writing at home.

These days, I do most of my writing at work. Because, gifted human being that I am, I can accomplish most of the tasks set to me in a day within the first two hours of the morning, on most days, I then spend the afternoons just waiting for emails to come in and the phone to ring. This leaves me free to occupy myself--which, when I can make myself focus, leads to literary production.

Because I'm on a PC at work, I use Microsoft Word. I will state here and now that for the purpose of novel-length writing, Word is terrible. And in general, I still despise Word 07, it's so hard to find anything. ANYHOW, when I'm at home, I get to use the wonderful, amazing Scrivener, which is the absolute perfect software for my creative flow.

An added albeit misleading benefit is that Scrivener counts words different, so I get a significantly longer wordcount at home than at work.

So this evening I came home, and uploaded the text I wrote at work today, inputting it in Scrivener. And lo and behold, my word length at home has passed 160,000 words.

I also just have to tell you that I am utterly overwhelmed by how entirely massive that is.

At any rate, this evening I embark upon a journey, which I hope is successful. My five-day challenge ends tomorrow, and I am so close I can smell it. So, dear friends, wish me luck. Me and Scrivener have a date tonight, and it looks to be rocking!

Life could be a lot worse

I get asked a lot, as I'm sure most people do, how I'm doing, how's my job, what I'm planning to do next. Not so very long ago, I got pretty uncomfortable whenever these questions arose (and this was magnified by the fact that, like most people, I get asked those questions on a fairly frequent basis).

I have come to the conclusion that life could be a lot worse. I look at my life now, and it's certainly not everything I want it to be. But I have a lot going for me, and I find that I can't really complain too much.

My job may not be the thrilling career that I hope to one day have, but on the other hand, I really enjoy the people I work with, AND it gives me plenty of time to write (when I can focus...ever the problem, I'm afraid). It gave me the freedom to buy a car that makes me immensely happy every time I think about it. And hopefully I can save up some money so that I can go BACK to school and pursue that thrilling career I'm hoping for.

I absolutely adore my singles' ward. It's by far the best ward I've ever been in, helped by the fact that for the first time in my life I was really ready to dedicate the time and energy to it that allowed me to reap the benefits I'd always wanted. My calling is challenging, but I'll tell you what, teaching Gospel Doctrine has already improved my life, and I look forward to it every time. Scares the crap out of me every time too, but I don't think that can be helped. :) OH! And the silly roadshow has been an immense challenge, but I'm getting to know people whom I wouldn't otherwise had the opportunity to work with. It's still going to be nightmarish to put all together in the next week and a half, but I look forward to the adventure.

So, I guess today I'm just grateful for all my blessings. I can work a little harder, and I can always improve things for myself and for others. But today, I'm grateful for what I have. And I'm grateful for all you unseen readers, and hope that you can find a little sunshine today. And may the heavens help me for spouting such awful cliches! :) God bless!

Milemarker and another goal

I have just passed 150,000 words in my novel. And is it done yet?

As I discussed earlier, I did not make last week's goal as set for me by my friend Michael. However, I've been given a new deadline, one which is significantly more feasible. Yesterday afternoon, Michael gave me five days to finish my novel. When exactly those five days start or end is questionable, but I've taken the goal to heart. Last night I stayed up far too late writing, and here I am at work writing again. Fortunately for me (but not maybe for my sense of focus) it's a slow day at work, which hopefully means lots of writing time--even a few minutes to spare for my neglected blog. So, basically--wish me luck!

P.S. On Saturday I saw 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' for the second time, and I just cannot express how much I enjoy it. It made my best friend weep for about twenty minutes. I didn't cry the second time, but it was still equally beautiful. I highly recommend it if you're in the mood for a drama or 'artistic' film. It's lovely.

Rock Band

I just immensely enjoy Rock Band. I have no idea why. But after leaving the party tonight, I turned DragonForce up really really loud and had to resist the inclination to drive really really fast. I love music. And I just love Rock Band.

The wheels just keep grinding

One of my good friends has been reading my novel-in-progress, which I just have to say is one of the more nervewracking things in my little universe. Letting someone read my unedited, unrevised work is like handing over a piece of my soul--especially to someone like this particular friend, whom I consider to be a relatively difficult person to please. The fact that he is still reading (ten chapters in!) means I must be doing something right, or else that he's getting to be a softie in his old age.

At any rate, this friend being the sarcastic, demanding person that he is, challenged (ordered, more like) me to finish my novel in three days' time. This was in an effort to keep ahead of him in his reading, so he wouldn't be left hanging when he caught up to where I'm at with the manuscript.

Fortunately, he hasn't quite caught me yet, though he will in the next few days because unfortunately, I did not finish my novel by tonight's deadline.

I did try, though perhaps not as hard as I might have. But I spend this entire evening writing away. I finished over a chapter and a half today, far more than my usual daily quota. And I am indeed getting close to the ending now. Tomorrow I shall write the section which was the earliest bit of this novel I ever imagined--a scene that came to me back in August, driving home from Melissa's sister's wedding. I tried to fit the scene into a different story that I started the next day, which didn't work, so I trashed the story. And now five months later, I am finally going to write this scene, and I'm just hoping I can do it justice. Five months is a long time for a discovery writer like me, five months of mulling on a single set of images, building an immense story around it until that image becomes almost insignificant when compared to everything that has come to pass because of it.

This evening, I passed 140,000 words. This behemoth is now 50k longer than anything I've ever written before, and it just keeps growing. And as it presently consumes about 90% of my brain power (the other 10% being eaten by the roadshow!) I'm hoping to finish it soon so that maybe I can regain a few other things to talk about in everyday conversations. :) Good night world! To bed go I.

Interesting thought...

A former professor of mine suggested to me yesterday that rather than pursue a second bachelor's in social work, to instead proceed as directly as possible into a Master's program. This is coming from a man who got a bachelor's in biochemistry, an MFA in acting, and I believe a third degree in library science.

Interestingly enough, the MSW program at the University of Utah (currently my school of choice) does not require as a prerequisite a degree in social work or a related field, but rather, simply, a baccalaureate degree from an accredited university. This is, of course, among their various other prerequisites, however, the point is that there is a definite possibility here.

I would definitely have to take at least a semester's worth of prereq classes, but after those are out of the way, the way is open. My professor suggested going up to the meet them and let them meet me, and see how we all felt about it. So...I guess we'll just see what happens, now won't we?


PS: This week I've also accepted an invitation to return to Pennsylvania for the summer, to work at the Governor's School for the Arts. And I'll tell you, that alone was enough to spark my old desire to bang on the system long enough to get one started here in Utah...oh the passion is rising in my soul once again...

Missed one goal, but there's another

I'm not sure how much a believer I am in New Year's resolutions. We kind of got talking about it at my birthfamily's house today, and a lot of my family just don't care, or don't want to make resolutions, for whatever reason. As I drove back down to Orem, I pondered about whether I should make some resolutions or not, and found myself indifferent to the idea as attached to the 'new year'.

However, I do have some goals that I would like to accomplish, and a new year is as good a time frame to set as any. Some are personal, some are goofy. Some include things I have already set out to do, like going back to school this fall. But I also have some very important goals that concern my writing.

It HAD been a goal of mine to finish my novel by the end of 2008. As you probably know, I participated in the National Novel Writing Month, which sets a goal to write 50,000 words of a novel within the month of November. This I accomplished and more. After November ended, I set a goal to finish my novel within the month of December. At the time, I imagined that my novel would be finished somewhere around 100,000 words--the average length of a fantasy or science fiction novel.

I met the 100k goal, and passed it. (I was at 118k by the time midnight hit, and wrote another 2,500 words between 1 and 2am this morning, and even more this afternoon. What a New Year's!) However, the novel is still not close to being finished. Which, of course, means there will be extensive editing once I DO finish it.

So my goal for the new year? Finish the silly thing, of course, but I also want to get over my various sundry fears, do a thorough revision, and begin submitting to agents and publishers, for both this novel, and the SF I wrote in 2007. This is the next step in my writing career--getting my work out there. I hope and am beginning to believe that my work is finally approaching a professional quality, and hopefully with a little help and some polish, will be ready for publishing. But we'll have to see, so for the moment I'm just pressing ahead with the writing.

May you all have a wonderful 2009! I'm hoping for one, myself. Best wishes!

Yet another obsession

I just finished the first season, and w-o-w am I impressed. Absolutely loved it. I am considering an upcoming purchase, because I have to give the season back and I just want to watch it again. However, I read a few episode descriptions for the second/third seasons, and I'm a little wary of pressing onward. You know how TV shows get weird in their old age (look at Smallville, for heaven's sake!) and the episodes later on sound a little...weird. I know I won't know until I see them, but the first season was just so perfect, I don't really want to taint it! I know, I'm weird. I'll prolly end up watching every episode there ever was, but for this moment in time, I'm just savoring the glorious experience that was Season 1.

Plight of the Caroler

A short blog about Apartment Christmas:

Basically, my college friends and I have our annual "Apartment Christmas", which started when we all lived together and has continued now even though we don't any more. We don't really have "traditions", so much that the thing is a tradition in and of itself. Sometimes we do Secret Santa (especially our more broke years), sometimes we do White Elephant. This year we did a $5 gift card white elephant. The idea was to get a $5 gift card from somewhere totally random. We ended up with some craft stores, movie theatre--I ended up with a card to Chevron. It was amusing.

During the course of the evening, we went Christmas caroling around my friends' apartment complex. And I do have to say, we sounded pretty good. There are some decent voices amongst this particular group. However, in the entire complex, no one came out to hear us sing. In point of fact, there were several instances when we heard people locking their doors when we came by. !!! What does that say about our world? Keep out the crazy carolers! I mean, of course we sang for our own enjoyment, but it was so sad that no one came out even to smile and wish us a Merry Christmas! It was madly depressing. So we went back to Ellen and Justin's to open presents, to make ourselves feel better and regain the Christmas spirit.

Oh, I also have a few things to say about Amazon wish lists, but this particular discussion will be truncated for sake of time. You see, I find Amazon wish lists to be immensely convenient. No guessing! No worries about disappointing the receiver! They can show you exactly what they want for Christmas. However. You almost always lose the personal touch. And what's more, there are no surprises! I mean honestly, it's such a difficult situation. On the one hand, you want to give them something that you know they want. But on the other, you want to give them something heartfelt, maybe with inside jokes, or something handmade and soul-invested. I don't know, it's a catch-22. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I worry a little about disappointing the recipients of my gifts. Hopefully all the gifts will blur together to make for general-overall contentment.

At any rate, yay for Christmas! And yay for driving home in the snow?

Christmas delights

I don't have to wait for Easter!!!

Only one more Sunday before Christmas!

Sundays are seriously becoming my favorite day of the week, which I could never have predicted at any point of my life up until now.

Church today was exciting. Firstly, we're singing/playing Christmas hymns in church, which I love. I just love Christmas, but singing Christmas hymns is definitely one of my favorite parts. I'm going caroling next week at Apartment Christmas, and I'm super excited.

I taught Gospel Doctrine today in Sunday School. It's so nervewracking. I've been nervous all week, but I'll tell you, I started trembling twenty minutes before Sacrament Meeting was over, and didn't stop trembling until halfway through Relief Society. All things considered, I think an angel taught my lesson, because it well so well and I certainly couldn't have done so well. Somehow I made a baby's first steps into a metaphor of the pride cycle on the spot. It worked out pretty well. :)

Actually, I just got back from a second Sacrament Meeting. There's a retirement home in my neighborhood that has a branch in our stake, and the wards rotate preparing their meetings, with the priesthood in charge of blessing and passing the sacrament, and the R.S. in charge of the music. So today I volunteered to play the piano for the meeting. It was cool. I haven't played the piano in a church meeting for a year now, since my last ward in Cedar City, and I realized that I miss it. I love playing the piano, its one of the talents that I am most thankful for because it brings so much joy into my life.

Oh, and a very good number of people signed up for the roadshow! I'm excited to start working on it. My current motto is Simplicity. I think keeping thing simple will save my sanity.

Life is good! Love and Christmasness to you all!

One of my few professed culinary skills

I make a mean raspberry pie.

My company Christmas party is tomorrow. Entirely besides the dinner there's a dessert contest, and my coworker Cindy basically threatened me with my life if I didn't enter, so here is my beautiful (if unoriginal) masterpiece for the competition and consumption. Isn't it pretty?

Being Mormon...for real!

After my graduation, life toned down a lot. I will tell you that working a full time job is a lot easier in many ways than going to school. No homework, for one thing. And the schedule's a lot more consistent. There are other reasons. But beyond that, I don't stage manage, and I don't belong to any clubs, and my work isn't competing with those other things any more.

The exception to this rule is becoming my church involvement.

Throughout my life, I've been a relatively active member of my church. I go to church every Sunday, and I've always gone to the occasional ward activity that sparked my interest. But that was usually it. I was never a very good visiting teacher, and I can count on my fingers the number of times I've been visit-taught in my life. I thought I was doing fine.

But in my new ward (new being since August...) I'm finally finding out what being "active" can really mean. I was talking to my best friend about it the other night, and there is a marked difference. "Church" is no longer a Sunday thing...it's kind of like belonging to a really big, personal, all-inclusive and pro-active club that has an infinite number of faces and aspects.

For instance, there is Family Home Evening.

In singles' wards I've been in before, FHE has been broken down into smaller units of 10 people or so, with a "Mom and Dad" called to plan and execute the activities each week. This system certainly has its merits, and its possible that my ward will soon or eventually adopt the system. However, for the past few months, our FHE has not been broken down. Each week, every member of the ward is invited to come to the church--its always the same time and place, which is REALLY nice--to participate in a wide range of varying activites. There have been sports, games, serious religious talks and discussions, outings like bowling and visiting Temple Square, and any number of things. I've found this ward to be a lot more creative than others I've attended. With the whole ward invited to attend, I've met a lot more people than I would have by just attending church. Also...it's fun. :)

Also, as mentioned there are Visiting Teaching and Home Teaching. Now, I'm only on the receiving end of the latter, as I am of the female type (in case you hadn't heard). However, I'm gaining a newfound appreciation for visiting teaching. Basically, I have a partner (who is phenomenal, by the way, and I'm enjoying our growing friendship enormously) and we are assigned a handful of girls in our ward (3 at the moment). Once a month, we go visit these young ladies, to see how they're doing, if there's anything they need that we can do or arrange for them, and to offer them a brief spiritual message. I still have yet to be visited by my own such teachers, however I am finding that I enjoy going out and doing the visiting. It has helped me connect with other girls in the ward, and it helps me expand my own spirituality. That sounds vague, I know. But basically...I'm learning to love near-strangers simply by virtue of visiting them and sharing with them this gospel that I love so much. It's a pretty powerful high, actually.

There is also Ward Prayer. Now, I haven't been a frequent attender of this activity in my current ward, but I think I'll be changing that. Sunday night, the ward members are invited back to the church for a very brief gathering. There is a spotlight of one of the newer members (and my ward ALWAYS has new members), a hymn, a spiritual thought, and then everyone kneels down and prays together. And then there are treats and socializing afterward.

Ooh, and on Sundays themselves, there is Ward Choir. My attendance is often irregular, but man, there just isn't anything quite like singing in a choir, especially singing really beautiful arrangements of religious songs that you've known your whole life. I freaking love choir.

Then there are Ward Activities. These are similar to FHE, but on a grander scale. Recent editions have included a Halloween dance, a Thanksgiving dinner, going to the bowling alley (though that one didn't turn out so well), and this weekend we're going ice skating at the 7 Peaks arena.

Also there are temple trips. My ward is starting to get better about making baptisms a part of the ward trips, and though I haven't been with them, I still try to go on my own regularly. Makes a crazy difference in my life, I can't even tell you.

And of course you can't forget the Calling. Some people fear it, some people resent it, some people avoid it like the plague. Others tolerate and endure. Some find fulfillment, others actual joy in their calling. Some just go about it like its nothing out of the ordinary. Most of my callings have been music-oriented, whether playing the piano for some meeting or other, music coordinator, chorister, etc. Now, I am...{drumroll please!} a Gospel Doctrine teacher. Yes, you may wince in sympathy here, laugh, or whatever best pleases you. I've only taught once so far (#2 coming up this Sunday). It's definitely a challenge, but I think it helps me expand my own thinking and studying skills. So, I guess I'm in the endure/fulfillment category. Hopefully enjoyment will come.

And now, the real summation of my blog--this weekend I was asked to head up my ward's portion of the Stake Roadshow. I've been to one roadshow in my life, many years ago, and I don't have strong memories of it, besides it being cheesy and almost painful, thespian that I am. However. I heard that there was going to be a roadshow a few weeks (months?) ago, and I'll admit that it perked my interest. However, with things like this, me knowing myself as I do, I know that I have to be in charge, or not involved at all. Events of which I have an inkling of what I'm doing drive me crazy to watch someone else fumbling through with no idead of what they're doing. So yes, while I will enlist the help and support of as many people as possible, I'm glad that I've been actually put in charge. Committees have the tendancy to drive me up the wall. As a friend of mine said, "None of us is as dumb as all of us."

So at any rate, I'm in charge of the roadshow. It has to be 15 minutes long, the setting is in front of a garage (although it may be inside a garage or beside a garage, the packet isn't entirely clear), and our ward's theme is Service. Oh, and it's in just over a month. The other wards have been prepping for a couple of months now. Yeah...funsies!

Actually, I'm pretty excited about it. It's been too long since I've done anything dramatic, so being given free license to take charge of the project makes me immensely satisfied with life. I'm sure that once I've dived headfirst into the madness I'll be a little...um...shall we say irrascible? But there can be no denying the enthusiasm that even this mockery of theatre brings to my soul.

In all, I think my church is the bomb. (Bet you haven't heard THAT phrase for awhile! Hee hee). Oh, and I think you all should go, cuz it's rockin'. :)

Lights at Temple Square

If it's at all feasible for you to go see the Christmas lights at Temple Square, take an evening and go. They're beautiful, and it's a wonderful way to celebrate the season.

Merry Christmas!

A wave of gratitude

Now, as you should know as a reader of this blog if you do not already, I have a two-and-a-half-almost-three-year-old son, whom I placed for adoption a few days after he was born. Unlike my own adoption, Ian's has been almost completely open. To this day, I exchange emails and photos with his family on a fairly regular basis, and communication has been very open. This summer while they were in Utah for a family wedding, we were also able to meet for lunch, and I saw my son for the first time in two years, which was AMAZING, no lie there. And this evening I at last received the photos from the occasion.

I just can't even express my gratitude. If ever I were to be a proponent for something, for just one thing in the entire world (besides the gospel of Jesus Christ) it would be adoption, and open ones at that. The blessings that have entered my life because of that one choice are too numerous to name. To any dear friends or complete strangers who might have this as a consideration for their own, may I recommend it to you with all my heart. Adoption blesses lives, for children, birthparents and adoptive parents alike.

I have moved on with my life since that time, there is no doubt. And this is one of the true blessings for me--that I have been able to move on and live my life. My son is living an amazing, astounding life, even at this young age, and it is a life that I in no way could have given him. And I have been able to live my life, to continue to grow and progress, hopefully to a point where I may someday find a companion who will love me forever and be a loving, stable parent to our children. That is the blessing for both our houses--entirely besides the blessing of the adoptive parents receiving a child. Everyone wins, and everyone can be happy. These are the wonders of adoption.

I love my son. I have not forgotten him, just as I have not forgotten my own birthparents, who loved me enough to give me to a better life. I am so incredibly happy that my son is a growing, happy, healthy little boy, and that he has such wonderful people to love him. Because that's what adoption is really about--it's just expanding the circle of love, and growing a bigger family for that small, special life. And as they say, all you need is love. :)

75k!!!!

After hitting 50k on my NaNoWriMo novel over a week ago, I adjusted my personal goal to hit 75,000 words before the end of November. Well, I have 24 hours and 47 minutes left to go, and I just hit 75k. Think I can hit 80k by tomorrow night? We'll have to see!

And actually, the most impressive thing to me is the fact that I'm nowhere CLOSE to finishing my novel. I doubt I'm even halfway through the plotline yet, though we'll have to see on that one. This means that this will undoubtedly be the longest novel I've ever written, seeing as how my present record is about 90,000 words in total, and I'm almost there with so much left to go. I'm actually quite excited, I feel it's a sign of growth.

Hopefully I can take some more time starting next week to work on revisions on my science fiction novel, which I hope to start sending to editors and agents starting in the new year. I think once the pressure of NaNo is off, I will feel a little less guilty about spending quality time with my other project(s), though I'd really like to finish this novel by the end of the year. If I can write 75,000 words in a month, is it impossible to hope I can finish the book in another month? I think not!

So in summary, I love writing, I love books, and I love Harrison Ford. (I know that was random, but I'm currently wrapping up the fourth Harrison Ford movie I've watched today. My marathon helped me write 5,000 words today! So huzzah for Harrison Ford! :D And to all a good night.

Welcome once again

This is pretty much as close as I'll get to having a Christmas blog. You know, I don't really feel that red and green go together, but in light of the holidays, I will put up with the clashing for a few weeks in order to feel festive.

Also, yes those are snow BEARS, my best friend and I made them last year, in the high school field across from our house in Cedar-town, and it was about an hour before some high school punks came along and destroyed them. I suppose we should have known better. But they wouldn't have fared better in our front yard, and our back yard was far too confining for the spirit of freedom and infinite possibility aspired to by our snow bears.

I suppose that now (or perhaps in two days when it's actually December) it is actually considered appropriate by the majority of people to play Christmas music. I'm fairly certain that none will be found at my workplace, considering how my coworker Cindy feels about anything besides rock and metal. So perhaps I will have to suffice at home. Which means I need more Christmas music!

I do have to admit that I enjoy the Christmas season. I enjoy the new activities, I enjoy the briskness in the air, and I love snow. I love giving presents (if not so much the trying to figure out what to give people). I also really love Christmas decor--I love Christmas trees especially! I can't wait to put ours up, and I'm pretty stoked to put up a little one on my desk at work.

So, in all, have a wonderful Christmas season, and have some pie. Pie makes the world a better place.

A Time of Thanks

I have been inspired by Jen to compose a List of Gratitude, and though her list this year is much more profound, I also enjoyed last year's list, which was much more all-encompassing, and is in fact the inspiration for my own list this year.

The following few items are things that Jen would call "Goes Without Saying":

My Parents. Pretty much, what would I do without them? Well, I would be homeless and starve to death, but beyond that, my family provide an emotional shelter as well as the physical, and I rely on them probably more than is good for me. But I love them, and I am especially happy this year to be spending Thanksgiving with them.

My Brother. Going along with the family theme and yet entirely separate, I am thankful for my brother Kyle, who is currently serving an LDS mission in Virginia (D.C. South Mission). I am grateful for his example, and for his willingness to serve God and bring others to Him.

My birthfather and family. I just can't even express how grateful I am for my Pops, Jenny, and my sisters. They complement my life, they make me laugh, and they just expand the circle of love. Seriously. Adoption is the best thing ever. And speaking of...

The Jacksons. Yep. Adoption rocks.

My cousin Hollie and her kids. These are my closest family besides the immediates, and I love them immensely. <3 to Benjabuddy and Elainabug!

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am exceptionally grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. You know, I have this one friend, non-member, who also somehow makes me have to stand up for my beliefs. And I'm grateful for that--I'm grateful that my testimony is so tested, that I can reaffirm, for myself, that I truly do believe in this church, in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and in my eternal Heavenly Father. I am grateful that I have a base from which the root of my being can be established, a rock upon which I have built my foundation, but also that I have this amazing support structure to hold me up when the winds blow.

My Friends. I seriously no kidding have the sweetest friends ever. No joke. I couldn't even list them all if I tried. And they're amazing. So supportive, so loving, always willing to chat and get together or say hi. I simply couldn't live without them.

Books. Writing them and reading them. It's sort of my ultimate hobby/new career move


To complement these most essential things, here are some of the more superfluous things for which I am grateful:

-My new car, Roxanne, who is EXACTLY what I wanted in a car.
-The ability to make a killer raspberry pie.
-My singles ward.
-Being a Gospel Doctrine teacher
-The Ensign
-Movies.
-The West Wing and House, M.D.
-Being able to play the piano.
-Music: at this particular time most particularly U2, Coldplay, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Nightwish, Epica, Within Temptation, Evanescence, and many, many others.
-My job. Much as I am bored by the day-in day-out routine, I am grateful for my income and for the general entertainment provided by my coworkers.
-PGSA. I keep my hopes up by remembering that if I so choose, I can quit my job in June and flee back to Pennsylvania for the summer.
-College.
-The Democratic Party and Barack Obama.
-My Blackberry.
-Frederick Warrick III (ie my iPod.)
-and Leopold, my beloved MacBook.
-Going to the temple every Wednesday.
-ADVERSITY.
-Flip flops.
-Costco.
-My electric griddle.
-The China Bowl and Cafe Rio.
-Blogging!
-Facebook.
-NaNoWriMo.
-My ten-minute commute to work every day. I get to see the Mt. Timpanogos Temple every day as I drive, and I get some precious time to contemplate whatever needs contemplation that day.
-GoogleChat, which is how I talk to my friends when I'm at work, and thereby keep from going insane.
-Chicken salad. You know, the stuff with chicken, grapes, cashews, and occasionally celery or green peppers or whatever.
-Wikipedia.
-Road trips.
-Skiing with my dad.
-My whiteboard. It's seriously the coolest creative space of all time.
-Dr. Pepper.
-Rock Band.
-Roommates. I wish I had some.
-Playing games.
-Long, hot showers. I seriously do some of my most creative brainstorming in the shower, and I'm not even kidding.
-GAS PRICES DROPPING!!!!
-Paid days off.
-Going to New York next summer!
-That my parents got to go to Hawaii to celebrate their anniversary. They deserved it.
-Baby Martin.
-Going on dates.
-Good theatre.
-Randomly deciding to go to Ogden for the weekend...and being able to go five minutes later.
-Sweaters. And sweatshirts.
-Holidays spent with family!
-Late night drives through town.
-The capacity to help other people.
-Netflix.
-Public libraries.
-Fresh notebooks.
-The National Parks. Being able to visit them.
-Bookstores.
-Trident gum.
-Sushi.
-Chapstick and hand lotion.
-Education in general, and teachers. I've had an awful lot of good teachers in my life.
-The gift of patience.
-The ability to learn from past mistakes and experiences, and to grow.
-The infinite power of hope.


I think I will stop there (because my list is getting ridiculously long) though I'm fairly certain I could go on forever. I honestly feel that I have an infinite number of things to be thankful for.

Mostly, I am grateful to live in a place where I can worship God and Jesus Christ in freedom, and be able to enjoy those freedoms with my beloved family and friends. I simply can't deny that life is good, and thus I intend to enjoy it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Infinite possibility

Today I got involved in a rather lengthy debate with my friend Michael. First it was about changing tables, but we won't even go there. (Except to say that men obviously just don't understand the value of changing tables.) We then began discussing what Michael calls 'ubiquitous computing' which implies, in his words, "that computers are universal and inside everything. Stoplights, cellphones, everything. Soon they'll be in our sunglasses." The discussion led to journalism and then to books, and my shared fear that books and print media in general will eventually become obsolete.

We continued to discuss the future of the printed book, and how dynamic books of digital paper may be the eventual replacement. A person would own a handful of digital books which would hold the same physical feel as books now, with their then digital, varied contents. Digital paper is already in the making, and Michael believes it is a near-future possibility.

According to our theory, books would then become something of a collector's item. Rich people might have bookshelves and libraries, or others would possess them out of the mild obsession of a collector. Handmade books might make a return at this point as an art form and novelty. Something like how people now collect records, but the mainstream society uses CDs and MP3. Although, books would still maintain functionality and a certain practical value, as opposed to owning them for the sake of possession, as in the case of records. They would simply not be part of the mainstream society.

Our conversation concluded as follows, and this is what I most wanted to share:

Michael: So only rich people and enthusiasts would buy them, but they would still be bought and loved.
How many things can that be said of when we talk about the ridiculously distant future?
I think that says a lot about how deeply books are ingrained in the heart of society.


Valerie: According to the views of you and me, at any rate.


Michael: But didn't you know Valerie? We're the ones who get to decide the future.

And this, my friends, is the pure and simple truth. We are the ones who get to decide the future. It is our actions here and now that decide what is important for the next generation, and affect the ones after that. This is our time, and I intend the make the most of it.

That's all. Have a great Thanksgiving! Eat some turkey, give some thanks, and think a few profound thoughts when you have a spare moment.

Human foosball

Imagine this: twenty single adults with very little mass athleticism or associated skills, attached to each other by fifteen-foot lengths of pvc pipe, trying with all their might to kick, punch, whack or headbutt a soccer ball between two pairs of trash cans on either end of a church gym.

Oh yes. That was my ward family home evening.

It was preluded by some Christmas hymns (can you believe it's that time already???), and a lovely spiritual thought that I can't even begin to remember. And then there was a sporting and HIGHLY amusing game, which came down to the wire. I swear, we were at 9-9 for half an hour, the competition was so fierce. That, and we kept kicking the ball really HIGH, and our ref determined that it actually had to pass BETWEEN the garbage cans, height wise as well as width. What I found really cool was that everybody had their moment to shine--almost everybody scored a goal, and everybody definitely had a few good moves going on. Some were better than others, of course, but it was actually the foibles and the outright cheating that was the most fun.

As point of fact--if you can score with the PIPE rather than your FOOT, why not?! For that matter, there was one goal scored by headbutt alone, how cool is that?

And to wrap it all up, we had pumpkin pie. I do so love pumpkin pie. I love pie in general. Beats cake any day of the week. I love Thanksgiving time, simply for the overabundance of pies. Really, what more can a girl ask?

Healthy terror: a possible career move

On Tuesday night I went to a 'write-in' (a less productive variant of a write-a-thon) hosted by the local chapter of NaNoWriMo. I will admit that a big part of the draw was the attendance of local celebrity author Brandon Sanderson, author of Elantris and the Mistborn trilogy. He spoke for about an hour and a half, about writing and publishing and the like. It was informative to a certain degree, and far more entertaining and honest than similar talks/discussions I've attended previously. In particular, Brandon shed light on the possibility of authorship as a career. Before in my mind, it's always been a hobby at which you can make no money whatsoever, or a one-in-a-thousand chance of making it big and making the big bucks. All luck, and not a realistic career path. But B.Sanderson shed light on the actual numbers: selling a book every 1-2 years, a person can, in fact, make a decent living as a writer. And that's just if a book does moderately well--selling 10,000 copies. More than that, and you're making a more-than-modest living.

This makes me come to a full-brakes-stop, with whiplash and everything. This is real. Writing as a career, a possibility. One that I had wished for, but never truly considered as something practical.

I looked around the room several times that evening, and later when the writing started. Most of the people there aren't people I would consider as having potential for real success in this field. That may be exceptionally judgmental of me, I'll admit, as I was basing this judgment almost entirely upon social interaction and discussion of their work, not actual text, which is the important thing in this field. But I looked around, and I wondered if I was any better than anyone in the room, let alone the world, if I could possibly possess some skill or idea that would surpass what all these others might have to offer.

I doubt it. After all, ideas are cheap. Skill is a little harder to come by, but there are plenty of people in the world who can write better than I can, who can stick to an idea and concept better than I can, who are more creative and original than I am. No doubt.

However, maybe I will have something that they won't? The right idea, at the right time and seen by the right eyes in the right place?

Basically, this means that for the first time in over four years (and another five before that!) I'm going to start submitting manuscripts to publishers and agents. I have to tell you that this is about the most terrifying thing in my existence. Every time I freak out (which is almost every time I think about it), I just have to repeat to myself, "What's the worst they can do? Send me a rejection letter--again and again." Sounds bad, but in all reality, that letter is better than no letter at all, because it means that somebody besides me has looked at my words. That is definitely better than nothing.

If I seem a little wild around the eyes when you see me, this may be why. Or it might be some other part of my insanity. With me, you never know.

The Plague

I just despise being ill. It's such a waste of time! A colossal, monumental waste of time. Sure, I enjoy the sympathy. I enjoy being babied a little by those around me, particularly when I can plead successfully with my mother to get Chinese. Oh yes, these are the perks. And just about the extent of them, because my friends, being sick is just about the most miserable thing on the face of the planet. I have spent the last three days feeling like my head is going to explode at any moment, and sometimes it does in the form of violent sneezes, while the rest of the time I'm so stuffed up I can't hardly breathe. Sleeping is a joke--I spent half my time trying to breathe, and the other half failing to breathe, and the entire time being completely uncomfortable and generally miserable. And this is just a common cold! I've never really had any terrible illnesses, but thank you ma'am, this is well enough for me! Guh!

"Don't judge a book by it's movie"

It's official. I've decided not to see the Twilight movie.

I know. Stay with me.

I love the book. You can either gasp and enthusiastically agree, or you can begin listing your criticisms. Whatever. I'm not a freak about it like a lot of people, but I have my own kind of enthusiasm (which most often results in me re-reading them a gazillion times.) For these reasons, I have decided not to see the movie.

First of all, I just don't think it will live up to expectations. You KNOW that it won't be the same as what you see in your head. The only person's vision it will even come close to realizing is the director's. Everybody else is screwed.

I don't want to change the vision I have in my head. I like it. I like my own impressions, my own memories of the times I've read it, the images I have created for myself. I don't need a visual substitute. I want to keep my own Twilight.

This is not even beginning to start on what I think of the actor choices, the acting choices, the directorial and sfx choices, or even the quality of the production company. You can rest assured that I have those opinions, but they are the least of why I'm not going.

Maybe I'll see it when it comes out on dvd. It will have less of a lasting impression then, especially if I watch it with the lights on and while I'm distracted. But that also depends on what people think of it--whether I decide at that point whether its even worth watching at all.

To those of you who are going, I wish you the best. I hope that you enjoy it, and that it only increases your enjoyment of the books. Because, as a writer myself, I can only hope that these books-turned-movies increase a love of books in the first place.

Catharsis

Today has really sucked at work. We lost a HUGE account yesterday, and it was in big part me and my coworker's fault, and we got not only a critical email from the CEO, but also had to go in and have a meeting with him about what we can change and do better in the future. In addition, it's been declared a Stupid People Day. We have one every couple of weeks, when it seems that all of the most concentratedly stupid people decide they all need to call in on the same day and make us miserable.

And so today I find myself drinking Dr. Shasta (which is in no way an acceptable replacement for Dr. Pepper, but is provided by the company for my consumption, so I can't really complain), and listening to my new cathartic treatment: a dose of symphonicky metal with female and other interesting vocalists. ie Nightwish (which happens to be a favorite of my pops), Within Temptation, Evanescence, and even a little bit of DragonForce (the song I really like of theirs being, of course, "Through the Fire and Flames". All the others sound the same.) God bless Pandora!

I'm also trying to work on my novel, but one of my protagonists is putting me through hell, and I don't know what to do with him. So if anybody has any random thoughts concerning my tremulous plotline, I would certainly appreciate them. You wouldn't believe from what I can pull my muse!

Today, a writer.

For those of you who haven't heard of NaNoWriMo, basically several hundred thousand people across the world get together every November and try to write a novel--or rather, 50,000 words--from 12:01am November 1st until 11:59pm November 30th. For most people, 50k is a challenging but achievable goal over the course of thirty days, and though much silliness often abounds, there is nevertheless a supportive community who very seriously aim for this goal.

In light of this project, and also in light of my own aspiring-author-community struggling to find time to write, this morning I sponsored a write-a-thon for my immediate friends.

I served french toast (and later quesadillas), and we had a massive brainstorming/writing session, though admittedly there was more of the former than of the latter. Mostly, it was just the idea of getting together to write that I personally enjoyed, even though I didn't actually get much done. We talked about ideas, about books, and about physics and mathematical theories, about the nature of matter and energy and void. We discussed different systems of magic, and different writing approaches.

There is a certain amount of excitement associated with writing. It's very like creating. It's art, and there is nothing else quite like it for me. It's a wonderful and beautiful thing, and it makes me exceptionally happy.

An Indulgence

Normally I try to avoid using this blog to "rant", though I'm not sure how often I succeed, and I certainly try to avoid just simple complaining. I don't enjoy reading complainer-blogs, and I doubt you do either. And yet, tonight I beg you to indulge me in a rant-like question.

Why are boys oblivious? And why at such inconvenient times?

I haven't been frustrated like this in a long time--probably because I haven't really liked a guy for a long time. Which isn't to say I really like a guy now, merely to say that these old feelings are resurfacing, and I find them as equally frustrating as I did the last time I experienced them.

I mean, a girl likes a guy, she flirts with him pretty obviously, and yet...no response! What's a girl to do? He's not interested--not that he's unfriendly, quite the opposite! too much friendship and not enough of a little something else. Something more special.

Why? Why are women thus so plagued?

Thank you. Rant completed.

Election Day

I really wanted to vote this morning before work, but then I didn't get up as early as I had wanted to, and I feared--rightfully--the lines at the polling place. Our head programmer was over an hour late to work today because of the voting lines, so it turns out a good thing that I waited. However, I think next time around I will make a greater effort to get up and vote early.

And so, at 5:00pm I made my way to my polling place over at the junior high, where I was admitted promptly, quickly tapped my way through the ballot, printed, ejected, got my puny "I Voted!" sticker, and left. It was all rather anticlimactic, I'll admit.

I've been idly discussing with my cousin the high hopes of turning Utah into a blue--or at least battleground--state, and the idea holds a great appeal. I'd like to live somewhere where people don't scorn me for saying that my vote--or theirs!--matters. A place where the vote isn't taken for granted, but where there is real question and the outcome of every persons vote DOES matter.

Today at work, out of boredom more than anything, I ended up discussing Prop 8 with my coworker. This has become a national debate, the results affecting far more than just California citizens. Cindy and I could come to no conclusion. I still don't know how I feel about it. On the one hand, I have many gay and lesbian friends, and a big part of me supports their desire to marry and have the same legal status as hetero couples. On the other hand, I have my religious beliefs that state a marriage is between a man and a woman. I wish that it didn't have to become a legal issue, and could remain a religious battle. In my mind, what right--what honest, legal right--does a government have to define, limit or impune upon the rite of marriage? Is it not strictly a religious observance in the first place? And yet, due to differing and contending belief systems, it has become an unfortunate and violent legal battle, and an exhaustive one at that.

At any rate, I just wanted to say that I am proud to have voted today, proud to have supported my candidates in this tight race--if not in Utah, then at least across the face of this ridiculous nation.

New Stupid Human Trick

Tonight at my sister's birthday dinner, I learned how to balance a spoon on my nose. It is stupid human tricks like this that remind me of the wonderfully ridiculous side of human nature.

Love you, Pops!