Watch the video, it makes me laugh

GOING CAMPING

I absolutely love camping. I am ecstatic to be (finally) going camping for the first time this year. Hopefully there will be many more trips to come. With several friends, I'm going to my favorite place on Earth. It's a little recreation area in Southern Utah called Red Cliffs. It's a slot canyon that has a series of waterfalls. When the water is high enough, there are places to cliff jump or waterslide. But any time, it's a beautiful place to hike and explore.

This year marks the fifth May in a row that I have gone to Red Cliffs. I love traditions, and my family doesn't have that many, so I've started making my own. This one's my favorite. I love going to Red Cliffs every year. I love seeing the familiar sights and sounds, I love the warmth of the red rocks, I love the warmth of the friendships in which I so fortunately find myself enveloped. More for the memories and tradition, this really is my favorite place in all the world.

So, I may have gone overboard in my excitement this week. But I sure don't care. I literally have been counting down the days (and now hours!!). I am absolutely stoked.

Hopefully in a few days, I'll have new pictures to post. =)

Life as a Blogger

I was looking at my blogger profile today for some arbitrary reason, and I took note of the little box in the corner that says, "On Blogger Since". I've been on Blogger since November 2003. And I was like... "Wow. That's a pretty freaking long time."

I started blogging that year because I was a stupid high school student with stupid high school drama (mostly self-inflicted), and I needed an outlet. I had this blog back then that was basically a mind-dump for my depression, my angst, and my frustrations with life in general. It's still live (no, I will not tell you where to find it) and it's almost embarrassing for me to read now. It's like an emo version of myself wrote it. Maybe that's what it was!

When I went to college, there was a year or so where I didn't blog much. Occasionally I'd post to the old blog, but that year was pretty dry.

The year after, I took a class from Dr. Jill Talbot in Creative Non-Fiction writing. Great class, by the way. We had a blog, and we were all required to post to it. I began to see new, non-depressed ways to blog. To express myself, not emotionally by neccessity, but artistically.

It was during that same semester that Ian was born. Suddenly I had a lot to write about. I started a new blog of my own, which I wrote to over the next several months. That blog helped me process the placement experience, as well as my postpartum issues. But as I healed, the less I wrote.

A semester or two after that, I took a great class from Dr. P about editing and literary production. One of our projects was to produce literature in an out-of-the-ordinary format. Like writing poetry on telephone poles or something. I worked with McKenzie, who authored a fiction piece that we structured in a series of blogs. I built a blog and we set up the story within that context. It was a great deal of fun. That project can still be viewed at http://suu.edu/honors/newhorizons/

This brings us almost to the present. I graduated from college in December 2007, and quickly found that I needed something to occupy my thoughts. Thus was born the Descent of the Muse. And I've been at least fairly regular in my blogging since that time.

As I started becoming an active advocate of adoption, I found that I needed a forum, separate from "daily life", as I think of here, to discuss my thoughts and views on adoption. So I now also maintain my adoption blog next door.

November 2003. That's five and a half years. It'll be six this fall. Six years, jabbering away at the universe-at-large. They'll never claim that I didn't have anything to say. That's for sure.

Movie update

Since I wrote my summer movie list, I have seen two more movies, about which I wish to report.

First was "Angels and Demons". This was an indulgent summer flick. It was engaging, certainly, though a bit thin in some places. It was action-packed, and I was very engaged by the characters. However, halfway through the movie I leaned over to Melissa and whispered, "They're ALL bad guys!" and she whispered back, "Why do you think the Catholics don't like this movie?" Overall an enjoyable spectacle, but I would not go see it again. And that's pretty much how my ratings work.

This past weekend I went to see "Terminator Salvation" with Gregory and Justin. I watched the first two in preparation, which is a good thing, because I don't think I would've understood anything if I didn't already know these characters. I'll agree that Salvation was pretty light on the plot, which for me is often a major turn-off. However, I think that people hold the first two movies in a little too high a regard. I mean, how much plot was there really in T2? There's a good Terminator and a bad Terminator, and lots of chase scenes, and the mental hospital stuff with Sarah. Really, plot? Not that much. Having seen T2 for the first time just before going to see Salvation, I don't think my expectations were unnaturally high. It was LOUD, and there was three times as many explosions as there were lines of dialogue, but I enjoyed the character dynamics where they were found (though, did Blair have to become a damsel in distress so fast? She was cool...) and I enjoyed the eye candy. It wasn't Star Trek. But it was good.

And really, I'm pretty much set until Transformers next month. There's a couple of peripheral movies I'm interested in through the meantime (Up, Night at the Museum 2) but I've already seen the ones I was looking forward to most. Is the summer movie season getting pushed earlier or something? It's only Memorial Day!

Stage manager at heart

This will tell you how big of a nerd I am. So last night, I got home pretty late after a meeting in Salt Lake. I was in the mood to pull out a book, but there wasn't really anything I was in the mood for. Get this: I ended up pulling out my Honors undergrad thesis, and I read the whole thing before I went to bed.

Yes. I am a nerd.

But it got me thinking this morning. My thesis was about the Art of Stage Management. I have to tell you, that this meeting last night (and all the meetings like it) have seriously employed the skills I gained as a stage manager. Committees of any kind need someone to organize them, or they're useless.

Here's my thing: I don't necessarily consider myself a leader. In the theatre, I wasn't ever the Director, the one with the vision. But I was the Stage Manager, who organized and enabled the visions of others to come to pass. Certainly I was deeply involved. I had my fingers in everything. But it was only to add upon the skills and vision of others, to enable them to accomplish their tasks.

I have carried these skills, inclinations and abilities with me, as I probably will for the rest of my life. Everything I do is affected by the fact that I am a stage manager. It's only the venue that has changed. Instead of Henry V, I have an adoption conference. But I remain the same.

I love summer! (Summer movie list)

I think I may retract that statement a little later in the season. Perhaps a more accurate assessment would be, "I love late spring and early summer", but that doesn't make for as clean a blog title. =)

Seasonally, May is one of my favorites. I also really enjoy September. But May just has so much...potential. Starting to get warm, drifting toward the languid summer nights were you sit on your porch and talk or listen to music and just enjoy life.

Thus, I believe I picked the perfect time to move out. I was sitting on my back porch last night talking to Melissa, and it literally was perfect. I had just gotten back from Taekwondo, so I felt good about myself and life in general. Wunderbar.

I particularly love the summer movie season. I've already seen three of the movies on my summer list, which (a la Gregorio) I shall enumerate below.

The Soloist. Now playing. This movie was somewhat strange, but I nevertheless enjoyed the performances of Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx. Perhaps running a little too long, I liked the resolution (and lack thereof) for the characters.

Battle for Terra now playing. I was more excited about this when I first heard about it, especially because there are several good names attached. However, my interest is diminishing the more I hear about it, so we'll see.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Now playing. As I stated in an earlier blog, I didn't much care for this movie. It was visually appealing, but the story and characters were weak. And a bit too much action for action's sake.

Star Trek Now playing. An absolutely engaging and enjoyable flick. Not much in the way of depth, but the charisma of these fresh new actors completely made up for it in my mind. Loved Bones!

Angels and Demons opening this week. I've never read the books and I'm not a fanatic, but it looks interesting.

Terminator Salvation the first Terminator to earn a PG-13 rating. Is it less R-rated or have we grown desensitized? Anyway, I got interested almost solely because of Christian Bale, but I've done a little reading, and I'm actually interested in seeing the previous incarnations of the Terminator. Something about the predestination paradox intrigues me.

Night at the Museum 2 The first one was, I'll admit, rather amusing. I have little hope for the second Ben Stiller romp, so we'll see if this ends up as a Netflix request instead.

Up because it's Pixar and it has the "Squirrel!" dog that makes me laugh every time I see the preview.

Away We Go because it has Allison Janney! No, really, the first time I heard about this movie, I was mildly interested, but the more I hear about it the more I want to see it.

The Proposal a distant possibly simply because Ryan Reynolds is cute. (Yes, I give into such nonsense every now and again.) More likely a subject for Netflix.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen which promises to be a lot darker than numbero uno. I just hope they let Shia LaBeouf act instead of being whiny the whole time [Compare Transformers to Eagle Eye. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.]

My Sister's Keeper because I saw a preview and it looks interesting (Abigail Breslin? We'll see)

[Public Enemies looks interesting, but a bit too violent for my tastes. Probably not one for me. Which is too bad, because I'll miss out on the eye candy!]

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince just cuz. (Incidentally, I think HBP is at least tied for my favorite book in the series. I hope David Yates holds up!)

That somehow ended up being a lot lengthier than I imagined when I embarked upon my list-making. But that just goes to show that there are a lot of good movies coming out this summer! I'm excited. Although, I have to admit that we've already bypassed one of my biggest anticipations for the season (Star Trek). But I'm still looking forward to a good few months of cinema viewing, in addition to camping and hiking and all sorts of good summery things!

Dixy's wedding and some thoughts

My friend/former roommate DixyAnn got married on Friday. I was an "unofficial attendant" so I spent the day with Dixy and our friends in celebration of her marriage to Matt Smith, who's a pretty cool guy. =)

She got married in the Logan Temple. She had a luncheon up in Logan, and then a ring ceremony and reception down in Salt Lake City. Her colors were black, red and white, and she had the reception in her single's ward bishop's backyard.

There were no major catastrophes, but I got to pondering about the value of stress. This followed a conversation/critique of Mormon weddings from a friend of mine, who was derisive about the lack of wedding planners in most Mormon weddings. So I was more alert to the fact that Dixy seemed to be under an undue amount of stress throughout the day. There were details that could (should?) have been handled by somebody else, but that fell to Dixy and Matt. The reception ended at 8:00, but at a quarter to nine they were still there, trying to organize everyone and make sure everything was taken care of, instead of leaving for their honeymoon. Small things that added up over the course of a day that should have been enjoyed, rather than still needing to be organized. Small things forgotten that should have been planned for in advance.

Like I said, no major catastrophes. And the reception did come off rather well. I just wonder, if it had been me, would I have instead trusted someone else with those details? I'm at least as controlling as Dixy, and I like to have things done my way (especially on wedding day!!) but I think it's still possible to get what you want while entrusting someone else to make sure things are run smoothly the day of. That's all I'm sayin'.

Funny story: so, Matt and Dixy forgot the garter at home, so they sent Christopher (of all people!) home for it. Under the guise of taking a long time to find it, he went to Wal-Mart and made a copy of their house key (SO Chris). We decorated Matt's car (rather lavishly--we had a little too much fun!). Dixy bought a new car recently, and literally threatened our lives if we touched her car. But after the newlyweds drove away, we decided to decorate their HOUSE instead of her car!

There had been some fake rose petals that were just going to be tossed after the reception, so we made a rose-petal path from the door to their bed (which we even made for them). Also, we took pictures of ourselves in their house with their camera, which was far too much fun. And Justin hid their shoes all over--kitchen cupboards, medicine cabinet, on the shower rod. Random, but really funny. At any rate, we had a good old time--even got the approval of Dixy's mother!

It was a good day spent with friends. I hope that Matt and Dixy have a great time on their cruise, and hopefully they don't catch the swine flu!

Wolverine: Meh

Just saw the Wolverine movie. My response is, "It was cool...but..."

Very disjointed, and the storyline was NOT cohesive. I'll frankly admit that the opening sequence (war transitions) was great. That's probably the only part I would label that way. Otherwise, I felt like the story was rushed (and it was a short movie, too!) the characters were not fleshed out--even Wolverine!!--and the plot had wide and gaping holes laced through it. For as much as some characters were anticipated (aka Gambit, among others) they sure didn't get a lot of screentime. And the Sabretooth/Wolverine conflict totally does not mesh well with where we pick up in X-Men(1).

The action sequences were (for the most part) engaging, though the post-credits scene was a bit much for me, simply because as far as I was concerned, it served no purpose. The whole Kayla thing...lame. The fact that Logan believed it?...lame. And what was with her wounded and then suddenly appeared by this recently-collapsed structure, out of nowhere? ... Like I said, major holes everywhere.

However, I still enjoyed it. Not one I'll go see in the theaters again, but maybe one I'll buy (unlike Last Stand, which I pretend does not exist). Maybe just so I can watch the opening a few more times...cuz it was seriously the best part of the whole movie.

It's true

I'm moving out.

Or, at least, I have the intention to move out. The reality is still at this moment a mythical dream in which I find a wonderful place to live for a wonderful price with wonderful roommates in a wonderful ward and it all happens with a wonderful alacrity that is wonderful.

You can see how it's a mythical dream.

But, the reality is that I'm apartment shopping, pretty much anywhere within a 20-minute commute of my job in AF. So this extends into BYU-land (though that's becoming more distasteful to me the more student housing atrocities I witness) all the way up into Sandy. So if you know of a good place....

I've decided that I'm picky. I've lived in some fairly nice places with some AMAZING roommates, entirely besides living at home. So it's a little more than I can handle to cram myself back into a closet of a bedroom along with four or five other girls. Nothin' doin'. I like living space. I don't need a HUGE place, but I need to be able to breathe. And that definitely includes toning down on the amount of estrogen present in the household.

I saw some places today and yesterday, nothing terribly impressive. One place was tiny, one place was crowded, one place was utterly ghetto. I'm not really in a hurry (except that I am) so I can afford a little pickiness, at least for the moment. I just want to be comfortable.

PS: If you're curious about the house, well, it just didn't work out. A house was *probably* a little too much for me right now anyway, but it just didn't work out. And my patience has come to an end, so I'm fleeing back into the rental scene. Oh joyous wondrousness. >.<

Random thoughts on nothing in particular

Last night, my dear mom and I colored my hair (aka she did all the work and I reaped the benefits). Except, I can't really see a difference. In the sun it shines a little brighter, I suppose, but nobody noticed and I'm kind of bummed. Except I don't want to spend another seven bucks and another night of my life to do-over, so I'm just staying with Chocolate Cherry for now.

I'm presently engaged in a Star Trek marathon--the movies, not the TV series. So far we've watched The Motion Picture and The Wrath of Khan. Definitely preferred the latter over the former. Tonight we will probably be watching Search for Spock. I just have to note that this is the first time I've ever seen these. The only Star Trek movies I've ever seen have been First Contact and Insurrection. Love them both. And so far I'm enjoying these earlier films, if on an entirely different level.

Speaking of which...I'm totally enjoying my Netflix subscription again. I have an on-again, off-again relationship with Netflix, usually about six months at a time for each. I think that in six months, I watch all the movies that I'm interested in, and then I have to build up a new stock of things to be interested in before I start again. Currently I'm alternating the Star Trek marathon with episodes of Heroes. =)

My guitar is good. It has this weird buzz that's been getting worse since I bought it; I need to talk to somebody who knows one end of a guitar from the other who is NOT the people who sold it to me. However, despite this annoyance, I'm really enjoying it so far. Still haven't started lessons, though that's coming soon, but via the internet I've learned a few chords which I have been trying to apply to the easiest songs I can find in the children's songbook. I'm trying to start building calluses, but no noticable difference thus far.

I really really really want to go camping. Like...now. I have such a craving to escape and go to the (relative) wilderness for awhile. Unfortunately, this will be have to be put off for a couple of weeks. Fortunately, it only has to be put off for a couple of weeks, and then I can go!!

That's all. Like I said...nothing in particular.

I want to be in there with you!

Guitar triumph!

Behold!


It's an Ibanez Sage series (SGT520VS). Solid spruce top, mahogany back, sides and neck, rosewood bride and fretboard. I tried bunches of different ones the past couple of days, and I found that I was particular to the Ibanez. I tried a couple different Ibanez, several Yamahas, Fenders, Samicks, Washburns, even a Martin today. It was amazing how much difference even I could hear, who have never played guitar before. I'm sure that ear will only get stronger with training. But for the money, I found that I liked the Ibanez. They got good reviews on different websites, I was able to get it for a good price, and it's pretty.

I'm very excited. Now I just have to learn to play it! =)

Playing catch-up

I was talking to a friend today about how busy I am making my life. He said, "That's okay, but just remember balance. That's a problem that you struggle with sometimes."

I wanted to take this opportunity to catch you up on some of the activites I've got going on, as well as those that I'm on the verge of.

Tonight I'm going to Taekwondo, which I'm pretty excited about. I didn't get to go last Thursday like I had planned, which is fine, but I'm glad to go back tonight. I am craving TKD and physical activity (which will play again in a moment) and I've missed the TKD community a great deal. So yay!

Also, I'm hoping that tonight will be the night: I'm going to buy a guitar. This makes me exceptionally nervous along with exceptionally excited. I can't wait to start learning.

Tomorrow I"m going to be playing softball on a city league team I just joined. I haven't played in ages so hopefully I don't look like an utter fool. But I'm excited to get out and play.

On Thursday I'll be up in SLC again for a planning committee meeting for the birthparent section of this summer's Families Supporting Adoption conference.

Friday I may be going to either the zoo or an aquarium, pending my friend Chris stepping up to organize the outing. I'm not going to lie. I really love every single one of my friends, but I get really tired of organizing most of our activities. So this time, Chris is in charge. =)

In the midst of all these things, I have lots of other things to do as well. Volunteer work, my new obsession with adoption blogging, writing a novel (in my new Moleskine notebook), stressing about the upcoming Semifinal announcement for ABNA, preparing to teach Sunday school, and hopefully making some kind of handout for visiting teaching (I've been kind of lax in that aspect of my calling), searching for a LBD to wear to Dixy's wedding, and hopefully maintaining x-number of friendships in the meantime.

Oh, and working 40 hours a week.

So yeah, life is busy. I wouldn't have it any other way. Hopefully I don't explode. And hopefully you know that I still love you!

Adoption blog

I'm getting more involved in the adoption cause, and I feel like I need a forum with which to specifically address adoption issues. For that cause, I have created a new blog:

mamavalerius.blogspot.com

There's nothing much there yet, but it will grow. For all few of you who read this blog, fear not: the muse will continue to descend. I'm just a little OCD and needed separate places for separate things.

Also, if you have some interest in adoption, please don't hesitate to link to either of my blogs!

Loves.

Life ambitions

I have a life list. Yes. I do. A list of things that I want to accomplish somewhere in my lifetime. (I think I may have discussed this list before). Anyhow, I've been feeling the itch, the last couple of weeks, to tackle something new, and particularly something from this list. I think the trip to Seattle made me see that I CAN accomplish things, that I can make them work in my life and schedule now.

This craving for new challenges has taken shape in two ways. After days of searching for continuing education and community classes (and not finding a whole lot that stirred my interests) I have decided that I am going to take up the guitar. This is one of several musical instruments that I enjoy and would like to learn to play. It is the most accessible, particularly at this point in my life. And so, I'm going to. This comes with all sorts of hurdles I must get over first, but it is now on the day-to-day to-do list, which means it's gonna happens.

Secondly, I'm going back to Taekwondo. This has been a long time in coming. But I'm going to get my sorry lazy butt up and back into the studio. I went tonight for the first time in...well, a really freaking long time. And actually, I had a blast, I feel great, and the endorphins are amazing. So while I know it's going to be hard to motivate myself (as evidenced by the last six months and more) I've made the decision to go back. Just need to follow through.

That's all. What's up in your life?

Paperback splurge!

I love the bookstore. I think we've discussed this. At any rate, it was Friday night, I had nothing to do and nobody to do it with, so I wound up at B&N for a little time in the SF&F section looking for something new.

After visiting the EMP/Science Fiction Museum in Seattle, I have realized that I need to read a LOT more science fiction. I think this prompted this evening's purchases.

First, I picked up "I, Robot" by Isaac Asimov. I have a confession. Despite my profound love of science fiction, I've never read anything by Asimov. I know, I know, this is profane sacrilege of the worst sort. Soon to be mended! Unfortunately, the only copy B&N had available was a movie-cover--it has a lovely picture of Will Smith on the front. Gag. Not that I mind Will Smith, but I generally don't like books that are superimposed with film version covers. Lame. But I'm sucking it up--I'm a creature of immediacy, and I wanted this book NOW. So I'm stuck with Will.

The second book I picked up was "Sunshine" by Robin McKinley. Favorite author, but not a book I've read before. But I read the first two pages and was hooked, so I went ahead with the purchase. McKinley's books that I have read are among my top favorites, so I figured I was relatively safe here. We'll see how it goes.

And thirdly I picked up "The Speed of Dark" by Elizabeth Moon. I've only recently begun to read Ms. Moon (on the recommendation of my former Captain) but have been pleasantly enjoying her books thus far. This book in particular intrigues me--it is a science fiction novel surrounding autism. I am very eager to read it.

On the whole, I am rather pleased with how it turned out. I do love books, and I'm excited to get into some new works and authors. I would encourage you to do the same!

Old Navy amuses me

I think I would feel cooler if I had discovered this for myself, but no, I simply stole it from Jen's blog. However, I totally thought it was worth passing along.

Old Navy has hidden coupons on their website today, and since I like Old Navy things but don't like their prices under normal circumstances, I thought I would pass along Jen's step-by-step low-down on the 50% off coupon, which I have already snagged for myself also.

Step one:
Go to Old Navy Weekly. You will come to a screen that looks like this:

Click on "Start Hunting"

Step Two:
At the bottom of the page you'll see the "vote for the best legs" option...and I have to agree with Jen here that it's a little scary, seeing as they're mannequins and they have plastic-formed legs. Although, I'm not going to lie that their commercials make me laugh. Anyhow, you have to vote, and in perfect keeping with our society today, you must give EACH mannequin the full five stars. It will look like this:


Step Three:
Wait. After 10-20 seconds, a tiny kite will start moving through the page. It will start in the lower-left part of the horizon and move upwards and to the right. Can you see it below?

You must click on the kite. And watch it, because it moves pretty quickly to hide behind the mannequins!

Step FOUR:
Once you successfully click on the kite, you'll immediately see this screen:


Click on "Add to your in-store coupon." At this point, you'll see THIS screen:


Step SIX:
Click on "Make Coupon" and this will pop up on the screen:


You can either print the coupon directly from here, or have it emailed to yourself. I emailed it to myself so that I'll remember that I have it when I get home from work and actually have the opportunity to use it! On what, I don't know yet, but hopefully something cute!

Enjoy!

PS: Thank you Jen for not penalizing me for outright blog-thievery. O_o

General Conference weekend

As I grow older, I am coming more and more to love General Conference. This weekend, I will be attending four 2-hour sessions where I (along with several other million members of the LDS Church) will listen to the words of our prophets, apostles, and other general authorities.

Since high school, I have generally watched most or all of General Conference with friends and/or roommates. This year will be no different, although it's going to be a new group--friends from my singles' ward.

I also particularly enjoy the activites that surround general conference. For instance, on Saturday night after the Priesthood session (during which Cheri and I will be at Wal-Mart!) we are having a movie night. Our movie selection still remains to be seen, but we will be watching from the comfort of the club house at the Milano apartments...which is VERY nice. =)

And on Sunday, we are having a brunch between sessions, and I am SO excited to make french toast. I'll admit that I have been craving french toast for...well, awhile now. So that's my contribution to our potluck brunch, and I'm pretty content with life.

Of course, I am mostly just excited to hear the words of the Prophets. And I'm excited to get to read them in a month's time in the new conference Ensign. I just absolutely love general conference.

SEATTLE

Seriously, folks

I expect more of you! As a reader of this blog, I have my hopes and faith in you, that the readership (however small) will follow through. C'mon folks!

Thus, in light of the minimal reaction to my former efforts, I have included this brief and concise list of directions concerning the action I wish you to take. ;)

Please visit the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award webpage.

Click on "Science Fiction".

Scroll through the ranks of novels that are actually getting reviews until you find my poor, lonely entry. (Title: Traitor Defiant)

Download the excerpt.

Read the excerpt.

Then, scroll down to the Customer Reviews section, and write a review. This is not intense, people. A paragraph or two is all that is required here. You don't even have to be nice if you are not so inclined! If you don't like it, you don't like it. I will still appreciate your review.

Thanks again! Much love to you all.

I went skiing on Saturday...

...and it was pretty awesome.

The Wheels in the Brain go round and round...

Of late, it seems like there are several things that I am anxious about. None of these are life-threatening. It's just things that hover in the back of my mind, gnawing at me, occasionally making my stomach clench, and occupying a sort of ridiculous amount of my brain capacity as I ponder them continually.

1) My book. Or rather, the ABNA. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, you know? But I just keep thinking about it. I'd really like to progress to the next round.

2) THE HOUSE. You haven't heard about this for a little while, but last night, our realtor came over and I filled out the bid paperwork. My bid will be over to the seller today. AH! Nothing's going to happen quickly with this house, but I'm dealing with it, because this house feels right.

3) My new calling. I'm the visiting teaching coordinator in my singles ward. Learning the ropes and doing it RIGHT are occupying a ridiculous portion of my thoughts.

4) The volunteer work I'm doing. While this doesn't necessarily consume large portions of my time, it does end up consuming a lot of my thoughts. Poor Melinda, I feel like I drive her crazy.

5) Current writings. I'm trying to start a new series, and so far it's slow going. I whipped out the first chapter like it was nothing, but since then have struggled for each paragraph. I'm thinking about a different approach, but mainly the concern has been lack of time. MUST. WRITE. The craving is overpowering.

6) Most minor of all: I want to play softball in the city leagues this summer. Can do, but you have to provide your own team, and all of the easy leagues are already full. Which means I need to find a group, and a group who can play. The craving! So I'm nosing about my ward (via Facebook, currently) to see who wants to come out and play. If we can get enough so its feasible, I'm all over it. :)

Isn't it ridiculous how things pile up? Especially the things we can do nothing about except think about them--over and over. Hopefully I can get my brain in gear and focus today. Wish me luck!

I just love books

After waiting 13 days for a package that was "3-8 Day shipping", I finally got my order from Borders.com. I ordered three books with a gift card I got with my Cash Back bonus from my Discover Card. Sweet muffycakes, free books!

All three are in an effort to complete series that I already own, in part. I'm sort of obsessive that way. I really like to own entire series, not just scattered books. So with my free books, I completed the "Winds" trilogy by Mercedes Lackey, and I bought the third out of four in the "Protector of the Small" quartet by Tamora Pierce. Two of my favorite fantasy authors, and both series that I enjoy.

Books just make me happy. I can't help it. I love to buy new books. I really love to buy them at bookstores, but our local Borders has an absolutely terrible selection of SF/Fantasy. I think that section shrinks every time I go. And an entire shelf is dedicated to Tolkien paraphenalia. I mean, he's brilliant, but we should leave some room for other folks. When there's only eight shelves, giving an entire one over to Tolkien seems a little silly, don't you think?

Quarterfinals!

Remember the Amazon Breakthrough Novel contest?

I made the Quarterfinals! Since the entry date back at the beginning of February, the entrants were narrowed down from 10,000 to 2,000. Then, they were narrowed down from 2,000 to 500. These 500 were announced yesterday night, and will now progress through the quarterfinal period, in which each excerpt will be reviewed by Publisher's Weekly, as well as customer reviews on Amazon.com. In April, ABNA will announce the 100 Semifinalists, and I've got my fingers crossed!

Dear reader, this is where you come in. Please, take a few minutes to read my excerpt, found here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B001UG3CGW. You'll need to download it, but it doesn't cost anything. And then, if you would be so kind to write a customer review! It's anonymous (I believe) so you can say whatever you want and I won't know it's you! ;) But really, it would be great if you would help generate interest for my entry. I'm starting to get pretty excited about this contest. And of course, I want you to read my writing! Even if science fiction isn't your usual cup of tea, please humor me, and take a peek at my excerpt. If you have any questions, let me know!

Oh, and if you're interested in looking at the other entries, look here: www.amazon.com/abna

Sleep is overrated

Every night for the past, mmm well almost two weeks now, I have come home at some late hour and my mother has promptly told me that I'm crazy. Tonight my response was, "What's new?"

Seriously. I have gotten used to getting plenty of sleep, and I've gotten used to having a certain amount of free time. Well, in the past few weeks (and the weeks to come) both have been diminishing in significant amounts. And you know what? I'm pretty much okay with that.

Today was maybe not the best day. I've been in sort of a bad mood today, not for any one particular reason, but a compilation of things. A large part is that I'm feeling a little ill and rather tired. But you know? It was still a good day. I maintain that Sunday is my favorite day of the week (and you ought to know how I am with favorites--I don't have a favorite much-of-anything). I wouldn't trade this busy-ness for the lack thereof. I LIKE being busy, I like that almost-overwhelmed feeling that makes me feel productive and active and accomplished. So for now I say that sleep is overrated. Check back with me in a few weeks, and we'll see how its going.

Seeking the Muse

I went for a late night drive. I was at a birthday party with a couple of new friends from my ward, and when I told them I wanted to drive, I don't think they really understood. "Where are you going to go?" asked one. Nowhere in particular was the answer, but I didn't want to sound insane, so I replied, "I don't know."

Haven't I talked about my love of driving? I love to drive. Just...drive. I don't always have to have a destination, and it doesn't always have to be for the scenery, either. For me, I find a certain catharsis in the open road, in just...driving.

Tonight, I was seeking to clear my head and think about my writing. I'm embarking on a new project at the moment, one which may--if it works out the way I'm planning--keep me busy for several years. I've been trying to sit down and work on it all day, with very little success. My brain has been too cluttered full of other things...my Sunday school lesson, my talk for Sacrament Meeting tomorrow, my friendships and dating life, the books I'm reading, my failure to make it to various things I was supposed to do today...you can see the clutterage.

But hitting the road tonight, even if I only made it to Payson before I turned around...it was exactly what I needed. I started with Coldplay, switched to a rock and metal mix I like, then changed to Nightwish in Payson and stuck with that the whole way home. And I was able to THINK, to brainstorm. Three new characters of protagonist quality were born during this drive, amidst a great deal of world-fleshing and conflict-storming.

Sometimes, the Muse descends of his/her own accord, and ideas are just born. But sometimes I have to seek out my Muse. Perhaps now the floods will come.

I gave in

And started watching the second season of Heroes.

Ultimate Frisbee and the height of Cool

Last night for Family Home Evening, two of our groups combined to play Ultimate Frisbee in the dark. We had a glow-in-the-dark frisbee and everyone wore colored, glow-in-the-dark wristbands. And actually, it was really fun. I totally got into it, which was fun for me. Through the game, the guys (predictably) got REALLY competitive. Our FHE mom had to remind them that there were more than two of them on each team, because they weren't passing to anybody else. After that it got a little better, but they were still really competitive. For me, the choice was to either get in there and play right along with them, or not to have a good time and just be mad at them all. So, I played right along with them. I was racing all over the field, I got hit in the face by the frisbee, I got tripped and shoved, but I also tripped and shoved (not so much on purpose as in self defense!) and frankly I had a great time.

Afterward, I was at a friend's house with a small group of friends, and we were talking briefly about the game. At one point there was a touchy moment when we were talking about one of the guys who had gotten really competitive. The girls were not much impressed by this young man [we will call him Brad], but one of the guys declared, "Nah, he's so cool. I look at that guy and I wish I was him."

I started really contemplating what it means to be "cool". I was at the time thinking in reference to my singles ward. Certainly, coolness is based upon the admiration of others. In that way, Brad is certainly possessed of some coolness. In a related sense, it has to do with attention--people who are cool are people who can hold the attention of others, and then their admiration.

HOWEVER. I came to the conclusion last night that true coolness isn't one-sided. A person who is really "cool" includes instead of excludes. The people that others really admire are the ones who make them feel cool too. That's where Brad fails--he certainly doesn't make me feel cool when I'm around him (he just annoys me when I'm around him, but I'm working to overcome that). So I don't think he's cool. Our other friend feels cool around him, so he thinks Brad is cool.

I doubt this is as impressive a realization to anyone else as it was to me. I just realized that social acceptance isn't about exclusion, it's about inclusion, for real and true. People love people who make them feel loved and important. They may admire the ones who seem "cool", but they'll respect and love the ones who make them feel cool too. I guess it's really about the level of sincerity involved. Which means I need to get off my high horse and accept these boys in all their competitive, arrogant, and narrow-sighted glory. ;)

I am interested for your thoughts, if you have them. What does cool mean to you?

Reverting to Childhood

This weekend, I discovered that Wal-Mart had sidewalk chalk for $1. You would not believe the giddy delight that spread through me at the sight of it (of course, it was about 10:30pm at the time, could have been an influencing factor). For a single buck? You'd better believe that I couldn't resist.

I think my dear Melissa may have thought the activity would wait for morning, but upon arriving home at approximately 11:00pm, I immediately cracked open the little box and went at it. For at least half an hour, Melissa and I went crazy all over my parents' driveway and sidewalk--everything from suns and flowers and mountain landscapes, to declaring our BFF status, declaiming the beauty of our parked vehicles, a hopskotch and a fully fleshed decoration of "Super Val" by Melissa. The only drawback to the entire glorious experience is that I scuffed the toe of my brand new shoe. Tragedy!

With spring coming in, I would definitely endorse a few enthusiastic childhood activities. It's immensely stress-relieving. For instance, my CIO is currently building a pinewood derby car in his office. (But don't even get our boss started on men building their son's pinewood derby cars...because he just finished his half-hour rant about it!) Spring is in the air, and it's infectious!

Weekends

Somehow without my knowledge or consent, my weekends have become insanely busy. Not that I mind, of course. It's just when it's unexpected that it becomes a little overwhelming. Not totally overwhelming. Just a little.

Take this weekend, for instance. It was supposed to be relatively quiet. My best friend Melissa came down from Ogden, and I was supposed to just spend the weekend with her. 'Supposed to' being the key phrase here.

I just never stopped moving. Friday night was full (and I also failed as a human being that night), and we didn't get home until late. Saturday was mostly filled by helping my friends Sam and Ashley move--Melissa had cleared that beforehand and seemed cheerful about it, but I certainly hadn't expected to be there most of the day.

I also got to show Melissa the house and it wasn't as bad as I remembered. I'm actually quite fond of it in my head, and I gained Melissa's approval. So we'll see how that goes.

Sunday was jam-packed, and I didn't really get any time alone with Melissa (story of the weekend). I hope she still loves me...I'll have to make it up to her...somehow...

After church and ward choir, there was break the fast, and while there I started playing the piano and ended up with a bunch of people singing, which was lovely. I've missed that. That evening, I got to play some pranks with my friend Cheri, played games with some friends of our ward until we went to ward prayer, and then I stayed talking at Cheri and Marjorie's house til almost one. I'm a wee bit tired today.

I can't really complain, because I had a good weekend. It was just so BUSY. And today I flipped the calendar over to March and started filling in my obligations, and EVERY WEEKEND in March is already booked! I can't believe it. I just have tons of stuff going on, it's madness. And I'm not sure I can expect the weekdays to be much better--seeing as how I'm still trying to add more activities to my life. But again...I can't complain! Busy is how I prefer to be.

A few random thoughts

Thought A (on house hunting): No real progress today. Looked online at some condos, and I'm willing to go look at them, but my thought is, if I'm going to invest in a house, I want to invest in a house. I honestly don't know how long I'll stay in this place, and if it's long enough for a baby or three, I want to have a yard and some privacy and some space. Just sayin'. Also, thinking about making a bid on the first house (see post below), but definitely want to go look at more houses in the meantime.

Thought B (on writing): I wrote a fair bit today in my "companion novel" to Traitor Defiant. I'm just getting started with this one, but I'm actually pretty excited about it. Read Ender's Game? Read Ender's Shadow. That's a companion novel--instead of a sequel, which comes after, it covers the same span of time as the first book, just from a different POV. And so far it's fun--it's been so easy to jump back into this work and just GO. Also, my friend Michael complimented my writing today, and it made me smile.

Thought C (on life): Following the advice of my dear friend Gregory (although really, it was simply an offer I couldn't refuse) I went shopping with my mother this evening. It's been almost a year since I've bought clothes--so it was well past time. Macy's was having a big clearance sale. About half the store was Buy 1 Get 1 Free. My mom got some cute sweaters. I got three shirts, and I've noticed that women's clothing is tending toward hippieness, and that banded hems are popular on shirts right now. Fortunately, with the right blouse, I can make this look work. I also got a cute pair of petite jeans that are still long on me (that's life, though). I tried on some LBDs in hopes of finding one that will work for Dixy's wedding, without any luck tonight. However, my pride and joy of the evening were these:



I absolutely love shoes. I hate clothes, but I love shoes. These aren't as red as they look in this picture, and actually should go quite well with brown articles. I enjoy them immensely.

House ownership part II: House hunting

Tonight was my first experience in house hunting. And I will tell you now that this is likely to be a long and drawn out process.

We looked at two houses, and in just those two houses I came to the realization that houses are quirky and that house owners are quirkier. I actually really liked the first house. There are a lot of things that would need to change, but most of them are small. A fresh coat of neutral-colored paint would do wonders for--I kid you not--every room in the house. Maybe not the kitchen. The kitchen and other main rooms were by far my favorite part. LOVED them. Big, open and spacious rooms. The bedrooms were also large, though two of them were kind of awkward, and we weren't really sure whether they were originally meant to be bedrooms. But they were big!

The biggest problem in the house were the bathrooms. There were two, and they were very dated. Who decorates in pink? I mean really. And there were some "special" things that, in perhaps ten years and with lots of money, I would be able to fix.

But overall, I really liked that house. LOVED the main rooms. I really like the location, I like the yard, I like the three-car garage, I like the patio and the covered deck and porch, and I'm enchanted by the mailbox.

The second house was not so exciting. First of all, it was about three steps away from my parents house. I love them, but I don't want to spend the next x-# of years in their backyard. Need a little breathing space, if you know what I mean. (Just a couple of blocks, really, I'm not too picky.) It was a big house, but there were a lot of weird things. Weird decor, weird carpet, weird cabinet handles, really weird yard fixtures, and the bathrooms were all really small. AND...the basement was unfinished. PUH-LEAZE I don't need that kind of headache right now. So, drove away from that house with a No, thank you!

On a related note, I filled out loan paperwork tonight, and THAT was an adventure. I feel so inadequate! My dad reassures me that the bank LIKES boring, they want to see that I pay my bills (which I do), but I looked at my pitiful list of assets and my meager income and I thought, "they're going to think this is a joke". But off it goes to the bank tomorrow, to see what I can get pre-approved for. And then we go from there.

In the meantime, I want to look at more houses. I'm in no hurry, certainly, and looking at more places will give me a better idea of what I'm looking for. But I'll tell you--I'm sitting in a mixture of utterly freaked out and terrified, and hopelessly excited. I had a dream last night about having my whole singles ward in my house for a house warming party, so I take that as a good sign. =)

Home ownership

AH!

So, I was talking to my dad on Sunday about how life is great and stuff, and I mentioned to him that despite my deep and abiding love for him and my mom, it's my goal--sometime in the next six months or so--to move out of their house. I mean, don't get me wrong, living at home has its perks, but after four years out on my own, its a little claustrophobic. So the goal is: get the car paid off as much as possible, save up some cash in the meantime, then get my butt in gear and find an apartment.

However.

My father made an offhand suggestion at the time. He said something to the effect of, instead of investing in somebody else, how about you wait a little longer, save your money, and then invest in yourself and buy a house.

Wait, what?

Me, buy a house? Me, a twenty-something, to whom it was HUGE to get a car loan and be making that monthly payment. Home ownership is SO out of my league, it's not even funny. I don't know the first thing about buying a house! This is HUGE. Like, a life-long investment. I mean, home loans are like 30 year investments. I thought a four-year car loan was bad (trying to pay that one off in two, but we'll see how it goes!) Home ownership, I thought, was so totally out of my league as to be laughable.

Except, like so many things in my life, I can't stop thinking about it.

This morning, I kind of started asking my mom about logistics. The very basics. This whole affair is absolutely foreign to me, I can't even tell you. But as the day went on, I started looking up mortgage calculators (which I still can't make heads or tails of) and calculating exactly how much I could pay every month on my limited salary (with a car payment to boot) and what I would have to rent out the rooms for in order to make ends meet...

You can probably see where this is going. But the biggest surprise was when I got home--to hear that my parents had found a house. It's in our stake (one of my primary stipulations at the moment) and it's pre-foreclosure, so it's ridiculously low-listed, even in the current market. I insisted on going over to see it. Haven't been inside yet, but the outside is c-ute. At this point, I should have slapped myself to wake up from this nonsense, but it hasn't happened yet.

How do these things happen? It's one thing to discuss investments with Melissa (thinking at the time--that's cool, but I couldn't do anything like that) to semi-seriously discussing this with the parental unit. I mean, how many 22-year-olds do YOU know who own their own home? Seriously! This is craziness.

But...it's kind of exciting all the same.
I'll keep you posted.

Rain

I walked out of my house this morning, and it smelled like rain. You know that smell. I don't have the greatest sense of smell in the world, but I can smell rain on grass and concrete. And to me this morning, it smelled like spring. And I just love a warm rain--it always puts me in this sort of nostalgic mood, and I remember playing with my toy circus as a child, or throwing my window open to the rain in the Bell Apartments, curling up on my bed with my laptop, and writing for a full rainy afternoon. I love the smell of rain.

Proof Ecstasy

This was a free proof copy courtesy of Create Space, which was the prize for completing the National Novel Writing Month back in November. After polishing it (mostly for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, but who's complaining) I submitted for my free proof copy. You have no idea how ecstatic I was to receive my package this morning, and I had to have Cindy with me before I could open it. It doesn't really mean anything, except that I have a copy of my book. But it makes me immensely happy for some obscure writerish reason.

Behold!*







*I apologize for the poor quality of my photos, I couldn't wait to get home to take them with my camera, so these are on-the-spot cell phone cam pics. Can you really blame me, though?

NEW FEATURE!!

Take a moment, scroll down and check out the ADOPTION BUTTON on the sidebar over there ==>

Jen created this beautiful button, and I encourage you to check out her blog to get to know her a little better. Seriously one of my favorite people in the world.

As you ought to know as a reader of my blog, I am an avid proponent of adoption, and it could not be more the case than with the family of my Ian. Adoption has become more and more about being in the right place at the right time. That was certainly the case with Ian's adoption--some mutual friends happened to speak up at the right moment, and then friendship and Heavenly Father took over. So if you know someone who's considering adoption, please don't hesitate to send them our way. It's all about love. =)

Games

I'm a trifle disappointed this evening, only because there were some members of my FHE group who did not enjoy Mao, which is my new favorite game, introduced to me by the Haycocks. I'm surprised by how many people I meet who have played it before. And I tried to lead my FHE group in this game, and it only lasted one round because some of the young men simply wouldn't cooperate. I suppose they thought they were being funny. Not that I don't like these boys, but I was disappointed all the same. I try to at least show a modicum of enthusiasm for things my friends like to do. I mean...isn't that common courtesy?

Profound thoughts of a profoundly profound nature

Or something like that...

The other day, I was talking to my friend Jameson about workplace satisfaction. He's in a business class, and they were talking about the factors that influence job satisfaction. Of course I don't know all of the details. But some of the things were pay scale and benefits, coworkers, and fulfillment from the work itself (among many other things).

Jameson found my situation interesting. I find my job itself to be tedious, indicating one factor of dissatisfaction. I like my workplace itself, I enjoy my coworkers, and my pay/benefits are acceptable. However, I am allowed to write in my spare time once my work is done, which influences my overall satisfaction with my job. While it's not the work itself, I do find satisfaction while at work.

I've been reconsidering some pretty major decisions lately--particularly my decision to go back to school. My major drive to go back to college is in that search for fulfillment. Because I'm not pursuing my original passion/major (theatre) for personal reasons, I thought that I thereby could not find satisfaction in a job that I could obtain without a degree in something else. Thus, I would go back to school to obtain that degree.

However, I'm finding that I can be fulfilled in other ways besides my job. I don't mind my job--I like the people, it's steady and consistent, and while there I can write, which is an enormous passion that I will always pursue. I've discovered that I can find a lot of fulfillment in my ward and callings there, and I'm getting involved in volunteer work that is like nothing else I've ever done before--and which brings me immense satisfaction.

So I don't know that I really want to uproot yet again. I really want to stay in my ward, I want to have some consistency there. And if I'm not unhappy, if I can find that fulfillment that I was looking for in the first place, I'm not sure I'd go back to school except for my obsessive love of school itself. At this point, I don't feel like I'm missing anything that could be gained by going back. So, while I haven't made a firm decision, I'm leaning toward staying right where I'm at.

Valentine's Dance

Camaraderie

Last night I went over to my wardhouse to help decorate for the Valentine's dance this evening. We started about 9:30, and there were a few of us that didn't leave til about 2:30am. But I can't tell you how I enjoyed myself. It looks like a Mormon cultural hall that was attacked by Cupid's raging cherubs. It was fun just to hang out, to talk, to listen, to work at a relaxed pace without any need to hurry and get done. And of course I'm exhausted today, but I had a great time. I wish I had taken pictures...but hopefully we'll get some good ones at the dance tonight.

Evening's entertainment

Last night I watched my very first episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series with my father. I can't tell you how amusing it was. We didn't watch the episodes in any particular order, so I couldn't even begin to tell you where they fell in the series. And that may have been an injust cause of my amusement. In every episode, the costumes changed rather drastically (though they were universally cheap and so sixties--I can see where Mrs. O got her lemongrass color!) and so did Spock's eyebrows! There was one episode in particular where he was wearing that lemon-lime shade that almost perfectly matched the sallow color of his face, and his eyebrows were pointing almost straight up into his hair. Precious!

For the most part I enjoyed the episodes we watched, though most of them reminded me strongly of The Twilight Zone. I watched in all seriousness except for a few moments that I simply couldn't contain my giggling--usually involving some particularly atrocious special effects, though frequently over the melodramatic acting.

All in all, a worthwhile evening's entertainment.

Weird thoughts

I don't think guys realize how much girls think about their weddings. I mean, even without a male prospect in mind, girls think about their weddings all the time, out of context. There are a lot of things like that, but I find weddings to be fairly universal for females of my age and relative social stratum.

Anyway.

I was thinking about bridesmaids this evening. My younger sister (the oldest daughter of my birthdad and other-mom) is engaged, and I have been appointed her maid of honor. Also, one of my good friends is almost-engaged (they have an appointment at the temple, but still no ring--it seems backwards to me), and it occurred to me this evening that I probably won't be asked to be a bridesmaid for that one. So that got me started thinking about who I would ask to be my bridesmaids--pending the unknown future spouse's close female relatives, of course. But then THAT led me to another strange thought.

Did you know that I have four siblings that I have never met? Half-siblings, actually. I don't even know their names. I'm pretty sure that my birthmother told me at one time, but somehow I let that information slip my mind. I have three brothers and a sister that do not know that I exist (as far as I know). This is a fact of my life that has perturbed me for some time now, and though I go long periods without dwelling on it, it always strikes me strangely when it reoccurs.

So as I was thinking about my bridesmaids, I was thinking about my best friend and my three sisters, when it suddenly occurred to me that somewhere in the world I have another sister who doesn't know I exist. And I'll admit that it made me more than a little sad to think that she couldn't come to my wedding because she wouldn't know it's happening because she doesn't know who I am or anything about me, and that it's likewise for me. And it just struck me as incredibly, impossibly strange that I could share blood--close, real blood--with someone and yet be so impossibly separated. Tonight, it makes me sad. That's all.

I hope you have a great day!

I read a lot of blogs. Most of them belong to friends and family, but sometimes I go exploring. I also have received recommendations from friends of blogs THEY read that I may enjoy (hint hint, nudge nudge). There is something about this format that fascinates me. Perhaps it is the very personal nature of it. I mean, a blog is almost like a journal for some people, where its a soap box for others, and anything inbetween. I enjoy discovering more about people, and more about how other people see and experience the world. Besides, I simply enjoy to read.

Today I was deeply affected by something I read. I don't know the blogger personally, its a friend of a friend. And I don't want to get into too much detail. But what I read made me step back and really examine something that I believed. I questioned, I probed, I pondered. For a solid hour this morning, I was profoundly disturbed by this thing that I read written by someone I don't even know.

I got over it. I read something else that made me feel better. I realized that I did in fact believe what I thought I believed. My belief was not shaken, but I could not believe in that moment how profoundly affected I was by this stranger's blog.

I guess my thought is that we never know how we're going to affect other people by our daily actions. This is what the R.S. teaches all the time with visiting teaching. It is our belief that God puts people in our path to better our lives--and that he uses US in that way to benefit others. And I sometimes worry that I am letting those opportunities pass by.

Today I read a talk by President Monson . I have this one last thought to share. I apologize for the overt religiousness, please bear with me. But this statement struck me particularly today:

"Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existant future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey--now. We will never regret the kind words spoke or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us."

Dear reader, I hope that you have a wonderful day. Let it be a good one. It IS Friday, after all. :)

Success after much frustration

Yesterday I finished my revisions while at work and at home I sat down to submit mein buch to the ABNA. However, upon opening the file I had emailed home, I was horrified to discover that it didn't contain any of the revisions I had worked on. I had a coworker search my work computer, but nothing--50 pages of work, gone.

It turns out that I had saved my work to a temp file instead of my documents, and the version I emailed was not the one I had been working on all day. When I shut down my computer and went home, the temp file was erased and my work vanished.

This only re-emphasized my absolute hatred for PCs.

At any rate, I spent today re-doing the revisions and adding finishing touches. And as of 12:40am, I submitted my novel "Traitor Defiant" to the contest. Now there's nothing doing but to wait until the middle of march when the quarterfinalists are announced.

Woot! for submitting my novel, but grr! to stupid computers. Argh! to the revision process (which never really ends) but yay! to being done for now. And now dear friends, good night.

The Good and the Bad

Life is so weird. It seems impossible to me that there can be so much good co-existing simultaneously with the bad.

I mean, for me personally today was a great day. I got to magnify my calling AND get to know some great girls in my ward. It felt great. And it was SUCH a nice day today, sunny and somewhat warm and very beautiful. I went on a walk with my family, and it was SO nice to feel the sun on my face. You don't know how much you enjoy sunshine until you spend all day every day in an interior office. It was glorious.

However, in that same beautiful afternoon, the bishop's house caught fire. They'd just finished a brand new renovation after struggling for so long just to get it. And their whole house is damaged, from fire and smoke. It was a true tragedy, one that affects me only by witnessing, and by my sense of helplessness.

Equally disturbing are the Pennsylvania governor's proposed budget cuts--which would completely cut my beloved summer job, the Governor's School for the Arts, as well as all the other Schools of Excellence. It's devastating to everyone who has seen the effect the Schools have had on students. Literally thousands of students have gone through the program since it's inception in the early 70's, affecting the arts in PA and across the country. My friends there have been scrambling in their letter-writing and protest efforts. This morning I wrote the PA governor, and again that sense of helplessness, where I wonder what more I can do.

This is what I came home to after a wonderful date this evening. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. It was Japanese-themed evening, culminating in a BYU showing of "Tokyo Drifter". Seriously funny. It was an absolutely wonderful evening, echoed with other friends' similar triumphs.

How can such darkness so mirror the light? I guess it's late, and I'm feeling a little melodramatic. But I see such turmoil in the world, and it saddens me. I want there to be light for everyone, but failing that, I just wish I could do more to fight the darkness.